We open with Nitro girls, dancing all synchronized. I think I used to jack it to these chicks at one time or another. Then we're shown Tony FUCKING Schiavone and Larry MOTHERFUCKING Zbysko. 1998 - when Larry Zbysko was over to a fucking ridiculous degree. That dude proably pulled down more pussy in 1998 than any other year in his life. Mike tenay is in the parking lot looking for Ric Flair. Mike Tenay is a bad ass and his microphone has this enormous wire. The fact that the microphone is not wireless amuses me greatly. First match... Van Hammer vs Alex Wright. FACT: I heckled Van Hammer at Starrcade 1998. He sat about 6-7 rows in front of me in the 200's. I started yelling "YOU SUCK SHIT, VAN HAMMER!!! YOU SUCK SHIT!!" Van Hammer stood up and looked back and I shut the fuck up. That dude could kick my ass. Back to Nitro... Alex Wright's dong is way evident. I think Van Hammer is the babyface here. More information as I get it, sports fans!! THE GREATEST NIGHT TONIGHT ON NITRO, IT'S THE GREATEST SPORT AND THE GREATEST NIGHT IN SPORTS!! The main event is Goldberg vs Sting so fuck yeah. Oh wait, I have more to report. Fucking Ernest Miller came in like a boss and broke up the match. I don't know why, but he IS The Greatest.