Alkaline's public service announcement (Payback hype)

Discussion in 'IWT Archives' started by Stopspot, Jun 11, 2013.

  1. *Alkaline enters the building, strutting down the ramp with a briefcase in hand. He slides the briefcase into the ring before grabbing a mic and getting into the ring himself. He opens the briefcase and takes out a bunch of hastily thrown together papers.*

    Alkaline: Calling me surprised when I opened my email this morning and seeing that I had a match signed for Payback this weekend is an understatement. And a title match no less. I'll be facing Joel Rain for the United States title. Some of you will likely sit by your keyboards, fingers covered with a mix of cheeto dust and jizz whilst saying "It's just the united states title, it means nothing!" as you scratch you triple chins before diving into another bag of fake cheese snacks. But you guys don't see how big this is!

    You see ever since me and my tag team partner Draven/seabs got here, people backstage have been against us. We came here and helped you get rid of a walking, breathing venereal disease on this company and in return people backstage have spit at us and thrown every roadblock possible in front of us. Then we got a title shot at the tag team belts last month. And we lost by one vote, one vote which was held by a higher power. People higher up are afraid of me and Draven holding gold in this company. They will seemingly do everything in their might to keep us from getting swag new belt buckles to keep our pants from exposing our amazing man parts to the world!

    So since Extreme Rules I have been doing some sleuthing, some digging, snooping and even some good old fashioned detective work. And what I have uncovered is down right scary people.

    What I have uncovered is a conspiracy that goes deeper than any bodily crevice of any general manager or assistant general manager that this company has ever had. So grab your spelunking equipment kids we're going cave diving! This conspiracy dates way way way back, all the way back to 1994! And I have proof in a photograph I uncovered of our "esteemed" corporate division way back then, as you can see in this picture that I have uploaded to twitter they are obviously up to no good. But how did they know about this company all the way back in 1994? Time travel? the occult? Aliens? Could be all three!

    The point here is that they are using all of us! They are keeping those of us with the power to change this company for the better down and are using those who are weak willed enough as their pawns! And this brings me to my match with Joel Rain. Joel, you are one of those pawns. This Britluminati are throwing you in front of me in an attempt to stop me. At first just because I am one of those with the power, skills and sex appeal to change this company, but now also because I know too much. I have had to fight of assassins for weeks now and triple check my food for poisons and laxatives. And now they are sending one of their peons at me in an attempt to finish me off. But I welcome this match, for when I beat you and get the united states title, a title which they will get rid off at unification as a part of their Satanic scheme. I'll have even more power to stand against them, a new platform to work off of. I don't hate you Joel, but I pity you for having to go against me at Payback...

    Because I won't hold back, I won't back down and I won't stop. Not only does my career depend on it, but the very faith of humanity might depend on it as well!

    *Alkaline throws the papers into the air*

    Alkaline: My name is Alkaline, and come Payback I will be your United States champion. Word Lyfe.

    *Alkaline exists the arena*
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  2. *TheWoodWarrior watches and approves* Good promo gl
  3. Announcer 1: #Britluminati is now trending worldwide. Don't forget to hashtag #IWT and watch Brit's sex tape with Gohan via the IWT app
    Announcer 2: Kill me

    Non-Kayfabe: This was great stop. I made the right decision in booking you against Airbourne
  4. I will reveal more on this sinister and dark conspiracy later tonight. More will be unveiled until my match with that poor son of a bitch Joel Rain. And the coup degrae and final blow will be dealt to the Britluminati once I have freed the united states title from it's smelly clutches.