Storyline DX - The Best Salesmen of All Time?

Discussion in 'IWT Archives' started by Nickelodeon, Nov 28, 2013.

  1. The crowd pops as Nick walks into the scene, tables filled with IWT merchandise all over the room.

    "Cut my music! DX has been known as many things over the years. Best wrestlers, best looking, but did you also know we are the best salesmen in the IWT? IWT's marketing team can't even compete with us! DX can also stand for... umm Da best salesmen-X! Fuck it I'm hammered right now and we've got a WHOLE LOT of shit to get sold right now so let's go!"

    Nick walks over to the table and picks up a DX shirt. It's green and black and says "You make the rules and we break em" on the front and says "SUCK IT" on the back.

    "Now look at this, beautiful piece of work. You put this on you - you're getting that girl you've always wanted because this shirt will help you become a chick magnet! It's fucking green! C'mon man! Oh, and look at this!"

    Nick reaches over and grabs a beanie.

    "It's starting to get real cold out there, so pick up some chicks in the DX beanie!"

    Nick then grabs an Aids Johnson shirt that reads "The Champ is Here"

    "Now, look at this piece of trash! We've got the Aids Johnson shirt! C'mon, you expect me to sell this? Don't worry, it's salvageable."

    Nick pulls out a can of green spray paint and sprays "SUCK IT" over the letters.

    "Now look at this here! Now you can wear this wherever you want and not look like a tool. Oh, speaking of tools, look at this terrible FTJ shirt!"

    Nick grabs the FTJ shirt and lights it on fire.

    "If you even thought about buying that piece of trash, stop what you're doing and go get help. My friend, you need one of these-"

    As Nick goes to pick something up else up, a producer walks in and tells him that he has to stop.

    Producer: You have to make the people actually want to buy the product.

    Nick nods. "Look at this here! It's a lunchbox! It's got a little Adam Aries on it! How about this, it looks fine and all, but it could be better if I just-"

    Nick sprays DX all over it and holds it up.

    "Oh, and promo code, "SUCKIT" see it on the bottom of your screen? Enter it and EVERYTHING is free! No twists no nothing!"

    The producer walks back and Nick socks him right in the face.

    "Look at all this! Dazzling Chavs skateboard? Lemme spray some SUCKIT on there and bam! Buy it buy buy it!"

    New Producer: Hey, the next truckload of Jonathan merchandise is here...

    "Well fuck. @Trip in the Head take it from here my friend!"
    • Like Like x 4
  2. *Joey backstage*
    "That's right bitch, don't touch my merchandise."
    • Like Like x 4
  3. *Dick walks in behind Nick and pushes the producer out of the way.*
    Dick: Jesus Christ you guys, the name is Dick Tripin now. Shit, I should just change my name back to Trip in the Head and that'll solve all our problems. The fucking IWT producers can't even get that shit right. Obvious Jonathan lackeys. Shit. Speaking of Jonathan, what's that piece of trash got for us to sell today?

    *Dick looks at the merchandise Nick has been spray painting and smiles*
    Dick: It looks like you're doing a bang up job Nick.
    Producer: Trip, I mean Dick, whatever your name is! Please, just try to move the other IWT superstars' merchandise!
    Dick: *Stares menacingly at the producer* Move the merchandise huh? *Dick looks over at the truck of Jonathan's IWT merchandise that just pulled up* Well, since Nick has been doing such a *Dick pauses and makes air quotes* "bang up" job so far, why don't I continue the trend?
    *Dick disappears off screen for a second and then leans into the camera from the left, motioning for the camera to follow him. When the camera moves over Dick is seen kneeling with an RPG on his shoulder and he lets the rocket fly at the semi. The back blast from the RPG knocks the camera down and the camera hits the ground. Yelling can be heard in the background. The camera switches just as the explosion rips the semi truck apart. The camera feed goes white for a second from the flash and then returns. IWT merchandise is seen everywhere, some of it on fire and falling from the sky. Aids teddy bears, Christian headbands, DKJames underoos, EVERYTHING.*
    Dick: *Looking into the good camera up close* HAHAAAAA, hows THAT for "moving some merchandise"? *He turns to the producer* You piece of crap. Get outta here before I use this thing on you.
    *Producer runs away terrified, a stream of wetness developing down his pants leg as he runs*
    Dick: *Once again into the camera* Now onto the real merchandise. *Dick winks at the camera and pulls out a red bag and reaches in* Christmas is coming a few weeks early this week kids. What have we got here, ahhh, some VagaSuckIt. This is the same cream Aids uses to sooth his pain after he loses the IWT belt again and again like a pussy. I mean, he just got it back again though, so it must work right? *Dick throws the tube of cream over his shoulder carelessly* Hmmmm, whats next? *Dick reaches into the bag again* Oh, here's a great product. *Dick holds the box up next to his face* It's MiDXsol. It's what all the other IWT superstars take to recover after a DX whooping. MiDXsol, when you've had to SUCK IT too much. Get yours today! *Dick wings the box against the camera and reaches into the bag once more* What else do we got in here? *Dick then pulls out a big black dildo. He waves it in front of the camera* Ahhhhh, obviously @Dat Kid From Jersey has been in my stuff again. Available now, only for customers 18 and older.

    *Dick continues to look through his bag of goodies as more men in suits come out and start to block the camera from being able to see Dick*
    • Like Like x 3

  4. *Unfamiliar music plays around the arena and Dick and Nick look around to see whats happening. No one shows up and they start laughing it off. Dick goes to talk when he's cut off by someone on the titantron.*

    B.Dazzle: Guys, guys, guys. The best salesmen of all time. You two ass clowns couldn't sell a cat to some crazy cat lady on a wrestling forum, let alone IWT merch. If you want the best salesman of all time, you look no further then B.Dazzle. B.Dazzle can sell a salad to a fat ass. He could sell gay porn to Ben Dover. Hell, B.Dazzle could sell the English language to Frank The Jock. You want to see how to sell some merch? B.Dazzle will show you how you get people to buy crap.

    *The camera zooms out, showing B.Dazzle standing in front of a table of merchandise.*

    B.Dazzle: Let's see what we have here. We have a DX t-shirt. Who the hell are these two long haired jack-offs doing a chop? Look guys, more DX shirts. We have crappy arm-bands, hoodies, and even crappy glowsticks. You people at DX really don't want to make money off of this crap, do you? Listen everyone, the last thing you people want to spend your money on is all of this pile of garbage.

    *B.Dazzle grabs a trash can and throws the DX merch inside of it. He places the lid on the trash can and screams at someone to throw it out.*

    B.Dazzle: Let's see what else we have, shall we. We've got Frank The Jock t-shirts. More like Frank The Cock. Get this crap out of B.Dazzle's face. *B.Dazzle throws the shirts off the table.* We've got Aids Johnson headbands and replica IWT championship belts. God only knows who would want to where headbands with Aids on it. Whether it's the person or the STD, B.Dazzle wants nothing to do with it. What B.Dazzle does want something to do with are these replica belts. One day B.Dazzle is going to hold the real belt, you can bet on that. What else do we have. Oh look guys, more DX gear. Always tellin B.Dazzle to suck it, but he doesn't know whats there to suck. Let's just get rid of all of this crap.

    *B.Dazzle knocks everything off the table. He picks up large box and sets it on the table. B.Dazzle opens it and takes out different types of merch.*

    B.Dazzle: This is what the people want. They want the gear of the best team IWT can ever have, The Dazzling Chavs. We've got replica Dazzling Chavs custom tag team title belts. That's right, people. You too can wear the gold of true champions. Except unlike us, you guys will look like poor, pathetic losers who won't ever win a thing in your lives. You two can have these. It's the closest you'll get to the tag team titles anyway. Let's see what else is in this pile of greatness. We've got Gav The Chav special sized condoms. Although, they may be too big for you two. You can try them though. Gav doesn't use them and they're a tad bit too small for B.Dazzle. Well, look at this hidden gem. We've got toys of Dwayne Johnson. You know what Dwayne, how about you know your role and shut your mouth.

    *B.Dazzle throws the toy against the wall, causing the toy to break.*

    B.Dazzle: I smelled what The Rock was cooking, and it smelled like pure crap. Last, but not least, we've got the official t-shirts of The Dazzling Chavs. How could you now want these shirts? You've got Gav and B.Dazzle on the front, and our tag name on the back. With this shirt, you too can be a Dazzling Chav. You see, Dick and Nick. No matter what you two, or anybody else do for that matter, B.Dazzle will always do it better. You have all been dazzled by the master salesman, B.Dazzle!

    *B.Dazzle begins walking away from the camera before quickly getting back in the shot.*

    B.Dazzle: Also don't forget to buy all your favorite Dazzling Chavs merchandise at the IWT shop. And if you're not down with that, I got two words for you. Fuck You!

    *B.Dazzle does a DX chop and gives both Dick and Nick the finger before walking away.*
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Aids Johnson is later seen wearing the DX tagged "The champ is here"(with an arrow pointing down, even though i wear the belt over the shoulder)shirt, as well as carrying a box of Vagicreme.

    Douche: Champ, Champ! Is there any merch you would like to plug today?
    Aids: This vagicreme shit is legit.

    Aids hands the Douche a bottle, before walking away, as the camera fades to black.
    • Like Like x 2
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