So, I have an epic story for you all this morning. First off, I want to say that last night I decided to pull an all-nighter… for whatever reason, I’ve no idea, I thought it would be a good idea. Now I’m glad I did. As some of you are aware, we’ve had a stray cat living around the house for quite some time and about a month and a half ago (I can’t believe it’s been that long already) she gave birth to one single, solitary kitten. The most adorable goddamn kitten I’ve ever seen in my life. Being the sucker that I am, I went out of my way to protect and take care of these cats, giving them a large box and some blankets to sleep in while momma cat raises her baby. Anyway, at around 3:30am, I smelled a skunk. Which is common around here, since we also have a couple of those little bastards that like to congregate in our front yard when the sun goes down. I thought nothing of it. Just before 4am, however, I hear a dog barking and howling… and it’s CLOSE. My initial thought was that someone’s dog got loose and someone ran this poor mutt over and left it for dead in the middle of the street. And then it hit me… the cats! I jumped up and ran across the house to the front door, barely pausing to hit the porch light. Now before I opened the door, I knew there was a dog on the porch… I just knew. What I found… wasn’t what I expected. I throw the front door open to find 3, yes 3!!, extremely large pitbulls on the front porch. I’m talking big, stocky motherfuckers. These monsters had to have weighed at LEAST anywhere from 100 - 150 lbs a piece. ANYWAY, as I open the door and find these cocky bastards on my porch, I’m surprised to find that momma cat has latched herself onto the snout of one of these poor dogs and is viciously fucking this dog's face with her claws. Score 1 for kitty. My next instinct after opening the door is yell as loud as I possibly can to not only distract the dogs, but hopefully to scare them away. Now in that split second, as I’m crossing the threshold onto the porch, I knew with all my heart that I was going to fuck these dogs up. I was gonna do whatever it took to protect that kitten, even if it meant getting myself mauled. I throw the door open, have about a split second to react and scream at the animals and then… I booted the closest fucking dog right in the head. I mean, flat out uppercutted this sucker with my boot. Right in the jaw. The dogs were so startled that all three of them turned around and took off down the steps… One most likely bleeding profusely from the nose, one with what I hope is a splitting goddamn headache, and the other completely unscathed, but scared shitless none-the-less. BUT, that’s not the best part. As these massive dogs are hightailing it off the porch and out to the street, I see momma kitty shoot off the porch and chase these sons of bitches all the way ACROSS and DOWN the street almost an entire block before she gives up and comes back home. Score 2 for kitty. So I sat there for a few minutes… replaying what just went down and pausing the movie reel of my life flashing before my eyes, and I realize that I have one bad ass fucking cat living on my porch. So female or not, from this day forward, she will be known simply as the Terminator. And now, mother and kitten are resting safely in their box… ready for the start of a new day, lounging around and raising hell on my front porch.