Fed X basic idea of a concept show.

Discussion in 'Be The Booker' started by seabs, Feb 21, 2012.

  1. I'm trying to get a grasp of the characters developed by people so far so I've created a dummy run of a base segment and how it would flow, just to see what people find easy and difficult to read. So tell me whether you enjoy how the writing flows and what I should improve please, thanks alot.

    Show Spoiler

    [size=x-large]Federation X [/size]​
    [size=x-large]Location : Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City.[/size]

    [size=x-large] [/size]

    The logo of Federation X flashes on the screen as pyro fills the hallowed arena that is the Hammerstein Ballroom.

    Commentator A : Welcome everyone to the first incarnation of Federation X live from the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City.

    Commentator B : Ladies and Gentleman what an adventure we seem to have in store for you tonight, fed X is live and ready to go.

    The lights dim as the flash lights flicker to life for the first time and Swatiska eyes hits (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShHpN10SQEs)

    Commentator A : Ladies and Gentleman this is the founder of Fed X, Tony Stevens. This man is responsible for everything you see today.

    Stevens enters wearing formal business attire, a black suit with a white shirt black trousers and leather loafers. In his hand he holds a microphone. He slowly walks down the ramp and into the ring. He stares out to crowd, a small grin passes onto his lips as the fans chant his name, Tony Tony Tony.

    Tony holds his hand out as indicator for silence before raising the mic and uttering the first words in a Fed X ring. “Ladies and Gentleman, let me introduce to you Federation X.” *Crowd pop* You see for years I was a fan of professional wrestling, for years I dreamed of entering my own ring, for years I wanted to see that banner raised proudly.” *Tony points at the Fed X banner above the screens at the top of the ramp to another cheap pop* “ You see they told me wrestling was dead, they told me the strangle hold sports entertainment had was too great.” *boos from the crowd* “but just like the phoenix pro wrestling will rise from the ground here in federation X.” Tony has some serious passion in his voice here. “Here in the home of pro wrestling I swear to the lord above, we will give the best god damn wrestling show on the planet today. “ *Huge pop from the crowd* “To cap off the rebirth of professional wrestling we need a symbol, a champion to show what is right. So tonight we will hold the start of an 8 man tournament to declare who shall be the champion of Federation X.” *Pop again * “The first compete”

    *Iron Maiden fear the dark hits*

    *The crowd look over confused at the curtain as the wonder who it is.”

    The arena darkens then a spark of colour is introduced.

    Commentator A : I wonder what this will have in store for us.

    A grotesque individual enters the arena wearing black shades with tatty basketball shorts and scars encompassing his entire right arm. A torn jacket looks to have been thrown on to his back.

    Commentator B : Oh my goodness look at the size of this man…. He’s got to be atleast 6 foot 2 if not more.

    Commentator A : I hope some one gets Tony out of the ring as soon as possible he could be in serious trouble.

    Phreak stares out at the audience as he walks slowly into the arena taking time half way through to tear a sign out of a fans hand which read “Fed X rules” he smiles at it and throws it to the ground to some moderate heat. He then stares back as Tony who raises the microphone.

    “Who do you think you are? “ Tony bellows. “ This is my company and you will not come in and behave that way”

    Phreak glances at him before smiling and sprinting into the ring, snatching a microphone from an attendant at ring side before he slides in.

    “Your company? This is my company” Phreak growls in an animalistic tone. “ I will lead this company to greatness as the Federation X champion”

    Tony interrupts “as I was saying tonight we will have a tournament to declare the winner of the Federation X title, this is my company and I am the law here, understand MR….?”

    “The names Phreak, no one must know me as any other name” Phreak anxiously butts in.

    “Mr Phreak your match up is up next , you shall be facing Luis Boden in this first round match up”

    Phreak smiles as he gets his opportunity.

    The camera pans to the commentary table.

    Commentator A : A blockbuster announcement from our owner Tony Stevens there.

    Commentator B: It sure does promise to be a hell of a ride here in Fed X I can’ …….. What the hell?

    The camera pans back to the ring just as Phreak hits a low blow on Tony.

    Commentator A : Phreak just hit the low blow on Tony? He got what he wanted, a shot at becoming the champion.

    Phreak picks the dazed Tony to his feet and hits him with a huge Uranage.

    Phreak then mounts Tony and tells him” this is my title and this is my company, just you wait.” A large amount of spit flows as Phreak speaks the aggression in his voice causes some serious unrest amongst the crowd.

    Just as Phreak stands to his feet and smiles Miseria Cantare hits as Luis Boden wearing his ring gear of black trunks with a red stripe down each side with yellows stars on the back with black and red kick pads enters the arena. Sprinting to attack Phreak who kicks Tony out of the ring and raises his fists.

    Commentator A : There is no way this kid can stand up to this monster Phreak, he doesn’t have the size of strength.

    Luis Boden Vs Phreak (1[sup]st[/sup] round match for the vacant Fed X title)

    The bell rings as a referee hurries from the back.

    Luis throws two low kicks to Phreaks legs but they take no affect on the giant of a man who smiles kicks Luis twice in the gut before hitting him with a huge uranage. Phreak kneels down and goes for the pin.

    The referee counts 1…….. the crowd chant “1”

    The referee counts 2 ……….. the crowd chant “2”

    The referee counts 3 ………….. The crowd chant 3 as Phreak gets his hand raised in victory.

    Commentator B : Well that was short can anyone match this monster?

    Commentator A : I’d hate to see someone who can.

    Phreak leaves the ring with little celebration just a smile to the audience.

    Luis stumbles up to his feet and grabs a mic. “Phreak! “ He says struggling for breath “You’re good but I’m I’m I’m still standing, give me more!” He screams begging the monster to come back. Phreak obliges entering the ring and hit another Urange.

    Phreak smiles once again as we cut to a backstage segment.

  2. I LOVE IT.
    Great first attempt at a long segment, kudos man, takes a lot to write that much and keep going with the creativity, especially with only a few characters to work with.

    Love you, homo. <3
  3. I went from being averagely excited for this fed to ecstatically excited when I read this.

    This is amazing, glad to have you on the writing team. Everything is laid out perfectly, the imagery was great, maybe I'm bias because my character is kicking ass. Love it though man.
  4. Now that's boss. Can't wait for this Fed X to rocket!
  5. Ha thanks, it's my first time writing anything like this so I wanted to make sure it was a readable format.
  6. Format was great. Favourite part of it all was the description of the characters look & emotion.
  7. If this is what @[seabs] can do by himself, imagine what the whole team will be able to create man! If I am a part of the writing staff I can't wait to work with you guys!
  8. Good work I suppose...

  9. Just read it, and loved it, nice segment, was almost like watching the event in my head. Can't wait to see what we come up with

    Going off what you wrote Seabs
    Backstage Apollo is warming up for his match up, when Curt Cutlass comes through

    Curt: Watch it! Royality is coming through

    Apollo: You watch it boy, I am a greek god, and need to be in a great physical state for my match tonight.

    Curt's driver, Dylan, comes down to alert his manager

    Dylan: Sir, I have waxed your car, I believe your match tonight is against Apollo

    Curt: Apollo, whoever he is, he's dead meat

    Apollo comes back into the shot

    Apollo: Well looks like it is you versus me, a greek god vs a disrespectful Mortal

    Apollo leaves chuckling

    The camera pans to Curt who grunts and walks the other way

    Commentator A: Well we have a greek god going up against royality?

    Commentator B: Only on Federaton X, Well Ladies and gentlemen, if your just tuning in let me bring you up to speed.

    The camera then shows a replay of what transpired with commentary

    Commentator A: As you see, our chairman Tony was just assaulted by this monster phreak after Tony announced a tournament.

    Commentator B:And Luis his opponent did not stand much off a chance

    (During the finisher)

    Commentator A: Ooh that was nasty, he calls that the Urange

    Commentator B: Then Luis got up an egged on the monster and suffered another one

    Commentator A: In my opinion, that is a situation where he should have just laid down.

    Then goes to next match