Jonathan is an asshole (the musical)

Discussion in 'IWT Archives' started by seabs, Jun 6, 2013.

  1. *Eric Draven enters the arena with a sole spotlight, he's dragging a guitar behind him. He gets in the ring and looks at the chair stood in the ring. The crowd wonders WTF is going on*

    Draven: Well Ladies and Gentleman, how good are you feel toooonnnnniiiiiighhhhhttttttaaaaaaaaa?

    *The crowd boos slightly*

    Draven: You see I'm feeling down now, I'm feeling a little blue then I look at you people and it really hits home... you guys you really make me smile. Just coming out and seeing you all right here in the IWT ARENA....

    *The crowd gives a pop for the mention of the arena.*

    Draven: You see looking out at you makes me remember just how lucky I am, I'm doing something I love every night.

    *Generation chants begin to fill the arena*

    Draven: I grew up loving professional wrestling and now? NOW I CAN TAKE EVERY SINGLE CENT YOU'VE MADE AND STILL GET YOU PUPPETS TO CHEER ME.

    *Boos begin to echo around now.*

    Draven: Hey hey hey yo, you do not boo you're hero. You do not boo the one you paid for now sit back and enjoy it because Dravey has gotta a song to play for you toniggghttt!

    *The boos grow louder further*

    Draven: I said shut the hell up otherwise I'll take my guitar and I'll go back to the bright lights.

    *The boos grow louder still*

    Draven: Security turn my mic up since these puppets can't develop and backbone and show a real hero some respect.

    * Static is heard filling the arena as the volume on Draven's mic increases, this does nothing to remove the crowds continuous jeering.

    Draven sits down on the chair and demands a mic stand which is brought in by a blonde technician in her mid 30s.*

    Draven: Oh wow baby girl, you heard of Lionel Richie because tonight we're going ALL NIGHT LONG!

    *The woman looks disgusted and quickly runs out of the ring :alone: This brings a cheer from the audience, a few members break out in an all night long chant*

    Draven: Now let's kick this night off with a beat and a song.

    *Draven begins playing to the beat of Johnny Cash*

    Draven: This song I'd like to dedicate to the IWT assistant GM, Jonathan.

    There aren't no grave which can hold the tag division now
    There aren't no grave which can hold the tag division now
    When Jonathan screwed me and Alkaline it went down
    We were on the brink of bringing it to higher ground
    Two saving graces in a barren wasteland
    There aren't no grave which can hold the tag division now
    There aren't no grave which can hold the tag division now
    Well look down there little Jonathan
    Look down and see
    You killed the greatest division IWT'll ever see
    There aren't no grave which can hold the tag division now
    There aren't no grave which can hold the tag division now
    Now meet me Jonathan meet me in the middle of a parking lot
    Meet me and we'll see
    Just how much of a pussy you can be
    There aren't no grave which can hold the tag division now
    There aren't no grave which can hold the tag division now
    *IWT cuts to a commercial breaking showing fast food and sex dolls*

    • Like Like x 5
  2. I like the color fail
    • Like Like x 1

  3. *Victoria walks out with her tag team title on her shoulder and stands at the top of the ramp, smiling at Draven

    Congratulations to you Eric, it seems like you know how to entertain a crowd. You know, I have a bit of a creative streak of my own and I'd like to share a little poem with you and the rest of the IWT crowd.

    *Victoria pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket and starts to read it

    Along came Extreme Rules and throughout the IWT
    Some part-timers arrived named Alkaline and Draven.
    They came together wanting the tag team championship
    But they didn’t account for Victoria Parker.
    With an intensity and drive to book,
    Victoria knew she could succeed with her new tag team partner.
    The WoodWarrior was a champion just like herself
    And Victoria knew their opponents just didn’t stack up.
    Extreme Rules arrived and Alkaline and Draven did what they could,
    But they just didn’t have what it took.
    They ran home crying with their tail between their legs
    Blaming their failure on an IWT GM.
    Now they can only hope that one day they will have the chance
    To try again for the tag team championship.

    *Victoria folds the paper back up and puts it back in her pocket, smiling again at Draven

    Thanks for treating us all to another moment of comedy...but thankfully for you it's not due to another loss in the ring.
    • Like Like x 3
  4. There is none, unless you mean the tags at the end which I didn't add.
  5. Fucking beautiful.
  6. #6 Roadster, Sep 2, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2014

    Classic, seabs should do more things like this because it's really funny.
  7. ^necro posting 101
  8. @Tsar stop bumping threads just for the sake of it
  9. *agree*
  10. I'm at fault, I apologize and I'll try not to make it happen again.