Okay, this is a cautionary tale about dogs. One of my dogs is two years old and he humps everything dude. Seriously, this dude humps blankets, pillows, toys etc. Well this morning i'm getting up for my morning piss and usually this dog makes a bee-line right for me, jumping up and down, making a ruckus. Well, I noticed he didn't come running to me so I walked to the living room. On my way there, I passed a pile of dog poo, which I find strange because he's potty trained and very rarely has an accident. I take a seat on the couch and spark up my first cigarette of the day, which is glorious btw. The next thing you know the dog appears at my feet, and we make eye contact. This is when he lets out the screams of agony, and i'm sitting here like "wtf is wrong with you dude, do you gotta go to the bathroom?" So, I head over to get his leash and say, "dude lets go outside quit your bitching christ sake you already shit all over the place you idiot." He doesn't budge, and just sits there crying. I walk over to him and noticed a stuffed animal is underneath him, and I grab for it to say here cheer up I have a toy. The toy somehow, some fucking way is wrapped around his god damn penis. Yes, the toy is cutting off the circulation of my dogs penis. You may think this is a made up story, and I can show you a picture of his penis if you like. Anyways, so I go and grab my scissors to try and cut off whatever part of the toy that's stuck on his penis. I cut the part off and he immediately is relived. He somehow found a hole in a stuffed animal that would be used for hanging it on the wall, sticking his penis in between this hole and moving around caused it to basically knot on his wang. Moral of the story, males find the hole.