My first script.

Discussion in 'Locker Room' started by Dat Kid, Aug 5, 2013.

  1. A couple of people told me they wanted to read my script when I finished it, well here it is. It's about a guy who must defeat his reflection after being verbally tormented by it the entire day. Comedy of course. Feedback, good and bad is always appreciated, especially since this is my first official script.
    Show Spoiler
    FADE IN
    INT. DUNCAN’S HOUSE/BATHROOM - DAY
    DUNCAN, a 22 year old bodybuilder, stands with both hands leaning on the bathroom sink with a smirk on his face.

    DUNCAN
    I see the way you’ve been looking at me. You can’t keep your eyes of me, can you? Every time I look, there you are staring at me. Who could blame you, everyone want “The D”.

    *Duncan puts a pair of shades on and makes a duck face at his reflection the bathroom mirror*

    DUNCAN (CONT’D)
    Well you’re decent looking, but you’re not-

    TERRY(O.S.)
    Hey, jackass!

    *Duncan is startled by his dad’s shouting and loses his balance on the sink. After slipping he makes a strangling motion at the bathroom door.*

    DUNCAN
    What dad?!

    TERRY (O.S.)
    Don’t what me! Get down here!

    *Duncan rips his shades off his face and angirly exits the bathroom.*

    *He moonwalks back in the bathroom and turns his head toward the mirror.*

    DUNCAN
    I’ll be back for you later.

    *Duncan winks at his reflection before leaving the bathroom again.*

    INT. DUNCAN’S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM
    TERRY, a 56 year old disabled veteran, sits in a recliner, staring at the remote on the floor in front of him.

    TERRY
    Duncan!
    *Duncan walks into the living room quickly and comes to an immediate halt. He flails his arms in front of him.*

    DUNCAN
    What?

    TERRY
    About time you got down here. You see that remote on the floor?

    *Duncan looks at the remote*

    TERRY (CONT’D)
    What are you waiting for? Go get the damn thing!

    *Terry makes a lazy effort to point to the remote on the floor without even lifting his hand.*

    TERRY (CONT’D)
    Did I ever mentioned how stupid you are sometimes? It all starts out with me dropping you when you were a baby.

    *Duncan walks over in front of Terry to grab the remote from the floor.*

    DUNCAN
    Is that all you called me fo-

    TERRY
    God dammit Duncan! I’m trying to watch the game!

    *Duncan roughly tosses the remote to Terry. Duncan heads straight for the front door.*

    TERRY (CONT’D)
    Pick up some Bengay while you’re out.

    DUNCAN
    Why don’t you go get it? The store’s right on the corner?

    TERRY
    You know what else is on the corner? Your dirty whore of a mother. Now quit complaining.

    *Duncan clenches his fists as he turns back to his dad. He quietly gives his dad the finger twelve different times in that one moment.*

    *Duncan swings open the front door and he glares angrily at his dad one more time before slamming the door shut.*

    *Terry uses the remote to turn up the volume on the TV and when he places it back on his lap it slides right off on to the floor.*

    FOOTBALL COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
    Fumble!

    EXT. DUNCAN’S HOUSE
    *Duncan starts to walk away from his house. When he gets closer to the street he slaps himself in the face lightly to get his composure back.*

    DUNCAN
    I’m the man!

    *Duncan puts his shades back on and looks around the neighborhood. A couple of houses down, Duncan can see a group of girls checking out stuff at a yard sale. Duncan nods with a big grin on his face.
    He slaps his arms and beats his chest before walking casually down the street.*

    *MRS. BAKER, an 70 year old woman, walks slowly from the other side of the sidewalk. As she gets closer to Duncan she stops and puts on her glasses to see who’s in front of her. Her eyes open wide when she sees it’s Duncan.
    She frantically makes a slow turn away from Duncan to walk back down the sidewalk.*

    DUNCAN (CONT’D)
    Mrs. B! Watsaaaap?!

    *Mrs. Baker sighs, slowly turns towards Duncan, and falsley smiles.*

    MRS. BAKER
    Duncan! It’s so good to see you young man. How’s your father? I haven’t seen him in a while.

    *Duncan suddenly loses his enthusiasm.*

    DUNCAN
    He’s fat as usual. Anyway I wanted to ask you something? Are any of those hot chicks over there your granddaughter?

    *Mrs. Baker looks over at the yard sale to see her grandniece among the group of girls.*

    MRS. BAKER
    No, but that’s-

    DUNCAN
    No? Aww yeah. Hunting season is open for “The D”. Gimmie some skin Mrs. B.

    *Duncan holds his hand up for a five.*

    MRS. BAKER
    What?

    DUNCAN
    C’mon Mrs. B, up top! YOLO!

    *Duncan keeps his hand up and glances to see if the girls are watching him.*

    MRS. BAKER
    Umm, okay.

    *Mrs. Baker rips off some of her flaking dead skin and places it in Duncan’s hand. Duncan freaks out as he tries to get the skin flake away from him. *

    MRS. BAKER (CONT’D)
    Up top YOLO! Say hello to your father for me.

    *Mrs. Baker walks away as Duncan frantically wipes his hand on his pants.*

    EXT. NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE
    *Duncan heads straight for the girls but stops dead in his tracks when he sees a large mirror on the neighbor’s front lawn. Duncan tips his shades at his own reflection.*

    DUNCAN
    Oh, it’s you again.

    *Duncan begins to pose in front of the mirror making obscene gestures. People at the yard start staring at Duncan without him even noticing.*

    REFLECTION
    Jackass.

    *Duncan snatches his glasses right off of his face.*

    DUNCAN
    What did you say?!

    *The reflection mimics Duncan. Ducan’s yelling gets the attention of the neighbors.*

    DUNCAN (CONT’D)
    Hey I’m talking to you asshole!

    *People begin to stare at Duncan like he’s crazy. Duncan finally takes notice at the stares at him. He starts to feel embarrassed as he chuckles nervously.*

    REFLECTION
    Who you calling asshole? Asshole?

    *The small crowd at the yard sale gasps. Duncan’s eyes dart from person to person who are all looking at him as his reflection causes a scene.*

    DUNCAN
    What are you all looking at?!

    REFLECTION
    It could be worse. At least they’re not looking at one of your high school report cards.
    Duncan looks at his reflection with a goofy frown on his face.

    DUNCAN
    Shut up!

    *The people begin whispering to each other, while looking at Duncan. Duncan sprints away from the yard sale.*

    EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
    *Duncan continues to run passing the girls from earlier. He backpedals back towards the intersecting street they were at. He puts his shades on and walks towards them. *

    REFLECTION
    God damn! Look at that ass! I’d love to give that some domestic violence.

    *Duncan takes quick notice of the reflection to his right on the store window pane. The girls turn around to Duncan in shock and disgust. Duncan opens his mouth to speak*

    REFLECTION (CONT’D)
    Which one of you ladies wants to be a single parent? Any takers? Hm?

    MRS. BAKER’S GRANDNIECE
    You’re a pervert!

    DUNCAN
    I’m not even talking! It’s my reflection!

    *Duncan’s reflection mimics him.*

    MRS. BAKER’S GRANDNIECE
    Oh I get it. You’re one of those ventriloquist!

    DUNCAN
    What?!

    FRIEND OF GRANDNIECE
    Yeah, ventriloquist pervert!

    REFLECTION
    Jeez, I thought you were a dumbass! Hey ladies, I’ll teach you how to read if you let me smell your feet.

    ALL GIRLS
    Eww!

    *The girls run across the street. Duncan turns to his reflection as he pulls at his hair. Duncan starts to sprint away again.*

    EXT. MAIN STREET/PARK - DAY
    *Duncan stops running, breathing heavily. Duncan bends over and puts his hands on his legs as he catches his breath. Duncan looks right down at a puddle.*

    REFLECTION
    You call that running? I’ve seen your mother run these streets in heels twice as fast as you.

    *Duncan snarls angrily and kicks the puddle away. Duncan’s reflection moves over to a car window to the side of Duncan. Mrs. Baker sits inside of the car.*

    REFLECTION (CONT’D)
    Your father should have dropped you on your head more often when you were a baby, this is fun!

    DUNCAN
    Leave me alone!

    Duncan dashes off again. Mrs. Baker looks as if she soiled her Depends.

    MRS. BAKER (FRIGHTENED)
    Up top Yolo?

    EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY
    *Duncan sits in feedle position in the alleyway. He fumbles with his broken shades and he sees his reflection in the shades.*

    REFLECTION
    What’s the matter buddy? You still mad about the girls? C’mon you didn’t have a chance anyway. You’re a walking joke, and your small penis is the punchline.

    *Duncan grunts angrily and tosses his shades against the wall in front of him.*

    *Mrs. Baker enters the alleyway.*

    MRS. BAKER
    Duncan?

    *Duncan looks over at Mrs. Baker, but looks back at the ground.*

    MRS. BAKER (CONT’D)
    Hey, what’s been up with you young man?

    DUNCAN
    You’re just going to call me a ventriloquist pervert.

    MRS. BAKER
    A what?

    DUNCAN
    My reflection is making my life a living hell.

    MRS. BAKER
    Oh is that all? That happens to all of us eventually.

    *Duncan looks up at Mrs. Baker*

    DUNCAN
    It does?

    MRS. BAKER
    Of course. I used to have problems with my reflection all the time when I as younger. I absolutely hated it.

    DUNCAN
    So did you kick it’s ass?

    MRS. BAKER
    You’re damn right I did! I showed that reflection who was the boss and I wouldn’t let it get the best of me. I think it’s time you did the same.

    *Duncan gets up and nods at Mrs. Baker.*

    MRS. BAKER (CONT’D)
    Up top Yolo?

    *Mrs. Baker holds her hand up and Duncan smiles, then gives her a five.*

    *Duncan walks over to his shades and picks them up.*
    REFLECTION
    What’s up jackass?

    *Mrs. Baker eyes open wide in shock.*

    DUNCAN
    You’re gonna die! I guarantee it! I am going to kill you!

    *Duncan throws his shades to the ground and stomps on them.*

    EXT. NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE - DAY
    *There are a few people around the yard sale shopping, including Terry. Duncan stampedes towards the yard sale screaming in Godzilla like fashion. The people are alarmed and run away from the yard sale. *

    REFLECTION
    Raging retard at 9 o’clock!

    *Duncan does a flying kick at the mirror and it shatters. He then slams it against the sidewalk a few times before hurling in into the street. Terry leans forward on a recliner in the sale.*

    TERRY
    What the hell is wrong with you boy?!

    *Duncan is shocked to see his father out of the house. *

    NEIGHBOR
    Hey your kid broke my mirror! You gotta pay for that!

    DUNCAN
    I’m not paying for shit, I’m “The D”.

    NEIGHBOR (SAD)
    Okay.

    *The neighbor automatically clunks his head down and drags his feet into his house.*

    TERRY
    Since when did you become such an asshole?!

    DUNCAN
    The day mom left me with your old crippled ass!

    *Terry looks as if he soiled his Depends.*

    *Duncan starts to walk across the street to his house. He passes over a few shards of glass and looks down at it. His reflection is nowhere to be found. Duncan casually shrugs.*

    FADE TO BLACK.
     
    • Like Like x 1