TLC Often Imitated never Duplicated D'Z watches fucking TLC

Discussion in 'PPV's & Specials' started by Dolph'sZiggler, Dec 16, 2013.

  1. Before I press play or even complete a single sentence let me address the asshole users who will inevitably shit on this thread and talk about how bad it is compared to my old threads, how hard I'm trying or any bullshit like that. Eat me. That is all.

    Why am I making this thread? Not sure really. I should be pulling for AJ Green to score me 14 more fantasy points so I can advance to the championship, watching a replay of Dubs/Suns on NBA League Pass or celebrating the fact that my roommate moved out and I can fap anywhere in the house that I want to... but no, I'm making this thread.

    I haven't watched WWE much lately, but there is a certain amount of buzz heading into this PPV and it feels like it is the time to start getting back into WWE. They'll probably prove me wrong and my hiatus will stretch a little longer, but hey, I'm giving them a shot.

    Full disclaimer: I haven't watched Raw for any of the build to this PPV and all I know is the main event match background and some of the Punk/DB/SHield/Wyatt stuff. Oh and it is my understanding that D'Z is still irrelevant and may have even performed (read: jobbed) in the PRE SHOW. P-R-E S-h-ow. sickening

    Props to BHR for having parts of this shit up even during the PPV. That's pretty mint. no pre show, but I'm such a fucking slickster I found that shit on google.

    Dolph "main event bulge" Ziggler vs Fandango "Too Lame for a nickname"
    I have it under good authority that Ziggler will be jobbing in this match up, but I won't let that stop me from enjoying some Ziggler.

    Fandango's music hits and out comes Summer Rae. I feel like a bit of a fag for knowing her name is spelled with an E instead of a Y, but what can you do. If I were rating her hotness based on the season I would have to go spring, not summer, because she's just not THAT hot.

    Her bitch Fandango follows her out and he is wearing a shirt that had to of been stolen from Prince's closet. I'm not sure if he is supposed to be a face or a heel at this point, but either way he should go away and the fact that Ziggler is about to put this clown over makes my stomach churn.

    JBL makes a Urijah Faber reference and I have to wonder what % of the pre show audience has any idea who Faber is. For the record, he is a Bantamweight in the UFC.

    Fandango begins to ironically shush the already silent crowd, who are clearly saving their fucks given for Ziggler's soon to be epic entrance.

    You hear that you fucking marks? "WE WANT ZIGGLER" .
    the crowd aches for him as much as I do. yes homo

    Fandickhole tries for some cheap heat but the crowd doesn't seem interested in taking the bait. You can tell no female in the crowd has dry panties as they sit in puddles of their own bodily fluids anxiously anticipating that first epic note of Ziggler's theme. Summer Rae stands annoyingly behind Fandango with a look on her face that screams "in porn 5 years from now"

    And there it is! Ziggler's theme hits. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that is the loudest fucking pop I've ever heard in my life. Sadly poor Fundungbowls probably has permanent hearing damage as a result of being at the epicenter of that monstrous roar.

    Ziggler comes out and gives a little wiggle and I'm proud to share that I didn't even cum in my pants straight away. Sure, I had pre'd all over myself by the time his ring entrance concluded, but I was able to hold out past the wiggle. This post deserves a like for that feat alone.

    They have DZ issuing kayfabe statements about how shitty he's been lately smh. What happened to faces no selling losses? Now they have Ziggler burying himself, how much worse can this get. I can't help but notice how fat Fandango looks next to the perfect chizzled cut of man known as Dolph fucking Ziggler. what is it like 80 degrees in here ::fans self profusely:: goodness gracious

    I have almost 1,000 words before as much as a wristlock took place. nobody is going to read this fucking shit lmao. No gifs? This is garbage. I might just audible and turn this into my suicide note for being so pathetic

    wtf is Fandango doing. He looks like he is mocking the normal mannerisms that he uses. Then he gets busted in the face by an absolutely perfect dropkick that could probably kill a bear.

    They take commercials during kick off matches now? lame. I'll take this time to inform any gif whores that I'm not using gifs for this review. I'm feeling too lazy to search for them and I just feel like banging away on my keyboard like it owes me money. I'm more than just a set of gifs, you know. I have a lot of interesting things to say! I give much insight into this fake sport!

    ugh not only do we get ads during pre show matches now but they are Randy Orton hype vids. How hyped can I be when even Orton's kids starting drooling at the thought of him cutting a promo.

    Cut back to the match and they are screaming Let's Go Ziggler so loud that they probably heard it all the way from El Paso to Lake Charles. Absolutely deafening. It seems to be causing some sort of malfunction with Summer Rae, who looks to be experimenting with ways to contort her face in an attempt to seem concerned. The looks range from constipated to completely shocked, but I'm not sure those were what she was going for.

    Ziggler powers out of some weak ass submission from Fandragqueen with an earth shattering backdrop. I can't say that was the best backdrop in pro wrestling history, but I definitely can't rule it out either.

    Ziggler is absolutely putting in work and the commentary fucks are adding in more drivel about the ME. You kidding me? Focus on the legend int he ring. The good news is the crowd was counting along so loudly with Ziggler's corner punches that they nearly drowned out the BS commentating.

    Ziggler drops Fondongtroll with the most ravishing neckbreaker I've seen since Rick Rude was showing pencil neck geeks what a real man looked like. Ziggler hits a famouser which I'm opposed to, he needs to drop that weak ass move. Obviously he executed the move flawlessly, but that is beside the point.

    Ziggler fails on the first Zig Zag attempt like always and Fandango counters with a phantom kick, it literally connected with nothing, followed by what for a second I thought was Fandango's finishing suplex. Ziggler kicked out though and I sort of thought he was history. Easiest way to get someone invested into a match: make them think its over and then don't end it. We call this a false finish kids, and they just got me.

    Now I'm feeling good, thinking maybe DZ won't job afterall. Fandustbowl is headed up top and I feel like I've seen this before. he has some sort of top rope finisher. If there is a god, and I know there isn't, he won't let this move connect.

    oh thank god. Ziggler countered. There may be a god afterall. I'll taking the percentage from 0% up to.. well still 0% but it certainly didn't hurt his odds any! oh shit dat dude going for a superplex.

    ****bag Summer Rae jumps on the apron and my heart falls to the pit of my stomach. She's going to cheat Ziggler out of this fucking win. I think to myself how I can prevent this but quickly realize she is thousands of miles away so there is nothing I can do. Not to mention I wasn't watching live.

    Dick hole lands a leg drop and Ziggler pretends it hurts. most of the crowd looks to be heading for the exits and who can blame them? TLC isn't recovering from this tragic booking decision.

    If I hit the 'create thread' button right now I've already typed up more pointless BS than any of you would ever read but guess what? I have an entire 3 hour PPV to bullshit about now. I genuinely pity any of you who read this in its entirety

    HHH Theme Hits
    This PPV cannot be salvaged after DZ's treatment but I will keep calm and PPV on for you my lovelies. HHH decides he needs to start the PPV and who can blame him, he is God. Plus, Motörhead, amrite @Farooq

    Mmmmmmmmmmm Steph looking extra MILFy.

    :yes: chants huh? Steph should take one of those idiots aside and put a bullet in him. Then let's see if they are still trying to be a bunch of rude assholes.

    HHH giving a history lesson lmao. No thanks, pops. the dickhead camerman can't even do me the solid of shooting at an angle where I can see Steph. such a jobber camerman

    Steph drops both names and Orton gets 90% boo'd while Cena is maybe 55cheer/45boo. Here's to bettin' we get some Daniel Bryan chants during the ME for the 4th straight time.

    Totally lame segment and I was just daydreaming about finerbanging Stephanie's butthole the entire time. PPV purchasers are probably not marking at this point.

    cool these video packages will totally make up for it. end heavy sarcasm. needs more yellow font

    Fireworks display + CM Punk match
    Cal me crazy but I felt the fireoworks display was just as noteworthy as this opening match. HHH is such a BAMF he cuts promos before they can even light the fuse for the pre show fireworks. come at him bros. Oh and fitting that jobber Punk is opening the show, curtain jerking just like he belongs.

    I'm trying to keep one eye on the Bengals game and I can say things are looking good. AJ Green has 16 points and I'm only down 6. I forgot to mention I still have Dennis Pitta tomorrow night so I can basically RSVP for the championship game.

    oh and I just saw a status from @El Homo that said "well, that was a show I suppose, try to avoid spoilers". So I'm guessing this show isn't the hottest PPV since sliced bread.

    AJ Green is up to 18 points. schwing

    While I'm thinking about it I just saw the greatest post in forum history so everyone go here and like this http://wweforums.net/threads/need-a-direction.31383/page-2#post-718041

    oh, right, CM Punk is about to wrestle. I'm going to need to smoke a bowl to make it through this. nah, just hating. Its actually just time to smoke a bowl.

    Punk says 'its clobbering time' and I'm certain of this because I heard it so clearly because the crowd is sitting in a virtual stupor.

    oh shit Punk is fighting the Shield i was expecting the Wyatt's for some reason lmfao. Jesus I'm a dumbass.

    I've got my money on Punk for this match. Ambrose eats the fall. I think I hear some CM Punk chants but a rat was pissing on some cotton so I couldn't hear it over that.

    CM Punk seems to be tired of wrestling this match. What a coincidence, I'm already tired of watching it.

    awwww yeeeeeeee. here comes my nikka Reigns. how can you be so pretty and yet so badass. He has to get the second most ass in WWE behind of course DZ.

    King: I just can't picture Kane tweeting...
    JBL: But you can Terry Funk?!

    lmao

    Rollins is back in and hits punk with a neckbreaker. counting Punk's two neckbreakers from earlier we now have 3 total in the earlygoings of this match. none of the 3 however can compare to Ziggler's phenomenal neckbreaker from the preshow.

    The Shield is now in firm control and we enter the portion of the match where they kick the shit out of Punk aka make me extremely jealous. Normally Punk's whimpering and crying would make me cringe, but it seems right coming from him. That's how I imagine he would take a beating IRL. like a bitch.

    Reigns just jumped over the announce table. interesting. When I say interesting, I mean not really. Reigns selling an eye injury. Well that's a thing that can happen in a match! Reigns said a naughty word. Shit to be exact.

    I wonder if they are laying the groundwork for a JBL/Reigns feud. Talk about an IWC wet dream :yay:

    Reigns needs to be too tough for doctors. He should spear the doctor to sell his badassery.

    Punk 3rd neckbreaker of his own during the match (still not better than DZ's). Pretty lame spamming neckbreakers for a dude that's supposed to be some sort of wrestling demigod.

    I can't decide which move is sloppier: Punk's terrible shinning wizard or his awful elbow drop. For now....

    ...

    shinning wizard. but its close.

    some sparse CM Punk chants but I can only imagine its because people in the crowd are sad and confused individuals without much direction in life.

    King: How many superstars has Punk put away with that elbow from the top rope?

    Uhh, 1 ashley if memory serves me correct, and he had to do it with a chair to beat Mark Henry :haha:

    Reigns speared Ambrose, oh no! haha called it. D'Z: Doesn't even watch WWE and can still predict this shit.

    I won't say it was a boring match, but I'm thinking it. Punk fittingly does his 'gts' gesture at the top of the ramp postmatch, because that was a snoozer

    # of fucks given about AJ Lee: zero
    this promo is a joke. see what I did there

    Natalya looks like she is ready to star in a C rate space themed porno. I'd probably fap to it

    I'm hoping Michael Cole jumps on the announce table and buries the entire division again.

    JBL: Calgary would be fine if it wasn't filled with Canadians :jbl:
    lol

    Not gonna lie, I think the crowd is more into this match than they were Punk vs the Shield.

    I just don't understand why Chris Hero can't have a little love handle action but its OK for Natalia. such bold shit WWE

    I'm not sure why Natty is screaming so much, but I think the fart gimmick was a superior option to the constant Jim Duggan'ing

    sort of decent discus clothesline from natty I guess. lol small packaged. I bet DB taught her that while they kayfab'd back in the day. +.01 respect points for AJ because I didn't see her skip.

    JBL always says the most retarded shit without flinching. 'could be the biggest night in the history of the WWE!' :jbl:

    more video packages. 3 hour Raws on PPV ftw.

    oh yea Damian Sandow is still a thing
    well that font didn't work out well. you live and you learn.

    Sandow vs Big e? I can.... almost dig it. idk, maybe. something tells me Sandow may lose. honest question if someone can answer: was there any build to this or is it completely random? I remember back in the day every PPV match had a video package to recap the feud beforehand. Nowadays I doubt you could scrape up enough footage for anything outside of the ME feud

    I feel like headbutts are a terrible move for a supposed intellect. Surely he is aware of the dangers of CTE

    speaking of shitty moves, the big ending sucks. Big E wins.

    Vince sees Orton backstage. audio fail. sound guys know we don't want to hear orton.

    Kingston vs Miz?? :eww: nobody want to see dat

    REAL MOTHER FUCKIN AMERICANS
    and three other jobber teams

    Who the fuck is Rey tagging with these days?Big Show lmao. "Yea, brb authority angle I know you totally screwed me but I'ma go tag with Rey Mysterrelevant

    Rybaxel lol. I've heard tale of these two goons but this is my first time seeing them. So goony. Team "we're not good enough for Heyman"

    JBL: I came up with it as a joke, I didn't think they'd use it :jbl:
    lmao

    Since you probably can't tell, I'm rooting for Cesaro and Swagger. I don't see the point of jobber teams like Ryfag Mcgillicutty or big old guy little old guy, why not use the Usos or PTPs? because they aren't as smart as I am, that's why.

    entire thread liked if Cesaro big swings Big Show

    Big Show slapping Axel's titties. Cool spot. I'm on record as saying knife edge chops ain't shit, but I wouldn't be taking any Big Show slaps to the chest. no thanks.

    JBL: Rey's never looked better! :jbl:

    dude... come on. who you tryin to fool?

    i die a little inside watching pussy midget boy rey go off the middle rope when he runs the ropes like a midget wrestler or even worse some women wrestlers.

    lol Ryback got rolled up by Goldust. Hey, this isn't one fall, this is elimination. I... knew that.

    Crowd doing 'we the people' with the RA. awesome. give em the fawkin straps m8

    my top 5 in this match: 1.) Cesaro 2.) Rhodes 3.) Zeb (suck it he counts) 4.) Goldust 5.) Big Show

    Big Show > Swagger. disagree and your wrong.

    gotta give it up to Dustin Reynolds (oh shit I know his real name ! smarky ****!) for carrying a good portion of this match. He's been in the ring forever. oh shit lol now he's getting the shit spun out of him. now his leather catsuit is shitcaked.

    Swagger's hair looks like Cameron Diaz's when she uses Ben Stiller's ear jizz as hair product

    OH SHIT WHAT A MOVE BY GOLDY. SOMEONE POST A GIF OF THAT I'M SIGGING IT BITCH. INB4SOMEONELSEALREADYSIG'DITBECAUSETHATWASFLYASFUCK!OHSNAP!INTOASLIMJIM

    NO GOLDUST DID NOT JUST DO A FLYING HURRICARANA. OMG. GOLDUST. GOLDUST. GOLDUST.

    Cesaro booting Mysterio in the face and rightfully so. What logic is there to Mysterio wanting to get tagged in. well none obviously but still, what a dipshit. he should want to sit back and let another team get eliminated. now bigshow joins in in the dipshittery

    Dammit he's kicking Cesaro's ass. No big swing for me. annnnnnnd Big Show just buried the best tag team going. what a dickweed.

    holy shit what a crossbody Goldust. dude is 44 and looks better than ever. Too bad his character isn't what it used to be. he doesn't do anything goldust like these days except paint his face and wear goofy attire.

    I don't think there is anything I like about Rey Mysterio. he has faggy attire. a stupid moveset. can cure insomnia with his promos. is the size of a 5th grader. just go the fuck away dude. oh god and the shittiest finisher this side of Cena's fireman carry

    so I guess the Authority are just cool with Rhodes bros now? 'oh well they went over Shield so I guess they can just go be tag team champs now lol they win'

    or what? They still beef'n?

    brawling buddies product placement. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    heel (?) brodus vs R Doof
    I can't tell what the crowd is chanting, so I pretend they are chanting 'show those D cups" at brodus.

    lmao TRuth is somehow getting the crowd to say 'watsup?' back when he says it. Houston, Tx, 1999 called and wanted to say 'watsuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup'

    man, this match is.... boring. I don't think truth has gotten an offensive move in. Is this what wrestling was like in the 80s @Senhor Perfect back when jobber matches existed

    wow Sweet T is going to just bale on Brodus? After all he's done for him? I think "tensai' needs to know his role and remember where he came from. that fag was spending 3 hours a day getting fake tattoos put on his face and raping some japanese servant before brodus came along

    Truth did not just win this match. tell me he did not just do that

    Brodus berried

    Kofi vs Miz
    I can't pretend that I didn't skip this match. This PPV absolutely fucking sucks at this point. Punk's match didn't seem like much at the time but omg its been all downhill since. the tag match had its moments but ultimately wasn't anything memorable. Brodus being a big dumbass who loses via roll up to R Truth means what exactly? He's being buried? because last I checked that's not how you book a badass heel.

    Everything since the Punk match feels like filler with minimal build. I realize these two fucks have been playing grab ass for a while but you couldn't pay me to care.

    oh look Kofi won that was one of the two possible outcomes. cool.

    D Bry vs Wys
    OK after this video package D Bry really needs to join the Wyatts. This match doesn't feel as predictable for some reason. I'll say Bray pins DB.

    D Bry dominating Harper and Rowan.

    special shout out to King, who's normally terrible commentary has been shitty even his his standards tonight. Somewhere Taz thinks King is doing a bad job as color commentator

    Papa Bray stands up to a mixed reaction :obama:

    Bray Wyatt: Don't judge me, son!
    directed at the ref lol

    Bray's been practicing his creepy crawler walk.

    DB is geekn out! you get a dropkick! you get a dropkick !

    I really hate his little head spasm when he is hulking up.

    haha Bray pins Bryan. 2/2 on my predictions tonight. just in case, I'm going to 'predict' HHH somehow becomes champ tonight.

    solid match I guess.

    Main Event
    yes
     
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  2. tldr....yet. I like your idea. I actually thought about doing this for RAW and Smackdown to talk about shit that went down, but haven't really found the time yet. Will read later.
     
  3. Oh, for those wondering I fell asleep during the ME (thanks, Boreton)

    I saw he had handcuffed Cena or some shit and then won the title without any run ins. Absolutely dreadful. The only thing as bad as the beginning of the show (Ziggler jobbing) was the end
     
  4. Here's my think. Kayfabe wasn't Orton scared of and unable to beat the Big Show? But now he beats Cena at TLC? I don't get it. fuck orton man. definitely not watchign Raw tonight lol. I tried WWE but you fucksuck. I'll see you for teh Rumbe
     
  5. Greatest post in forum history? Me? Ok, if you say so, lol. Nice job
     
  6. Give yourself some credit that was a quick witted off the cuff That 70s show BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN

    I'm surprised Senhor can even walk today after getting corholed so badly

    edit: maybe I shoudl say best pipebomb instead of post
     
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  7. Lol @ his comeback too
     
  8. I respect him for taking it on the chin and admitting defeat. Why try to make a realistic retort? He was dead in the water so he just tapped out, live to fight another day. He's no dummie
     
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  9. Good point
     
  10. yea idk why. wasn't feeling it.
     
  11. [​IMG]
     
  12. I was waiting for more after the "yes". Actually, the Pay-Per-View is better without the main event. In fact, just watch the tag team match. Nothing else.
     
  13. [​IMG]
     
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  14. yea in my dream state just typing yes made sense. It was supposed to mean like yea, that was a main event.

    I've heard some people say it was a good match but with that ending I don't really give a shit
     
  15. It was alright. My internet cut off though when Cena got handcuffed. Didn't really miss anything though, just McMahons come out. I think I'm gonna go back and watch old Raws instead of tonights.
     
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  16. 1997 is da bess
     
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  17. Starting off on 1993, think I'm at episode 5. Already saw Mr. Perfect beat Flair in a loser leaves WWF match, HBK in vintage action as IC champ, Razor Ramon cut some funny ass promos, Lex's debut, Bobby Hennan in drag and Randy Savage beat the shit outta the Repo Man :haha:
     
  18. They deed it? [​IMG]
     
  19. Eh, nobody fell off the ladder as it was pushed over and no one was suplexed off from it either. Disappointed to say the least. Closest thing was Cena doing the 5 knuckle shuffle "punch" from like halfway up the ladder.

    I thought Cena had it when he hit Orton with the ladder and knocked from the apron THROUGH A TABLE. Somehow Orton gets up, gets him off the ladder, AND rkos him before he can get the belts!? Fuck me. And I am god damn tired of seeing ladder matches where they get to the top of the ladder and they get this look like "now how do I do this again?" Yeah Cena, that was you last night.