News SmackDown – Abridged

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In which SHANE, DREW and ELIAS beat someone up again.

discount Marvel movie intro, then/now/whatever

AWWWWWWWWW SAAAAAAAAAAAAAM


MIZ: well it’s Miz TV, Shane’s makin me, here’s Drew and the breast in the world

UNIVERSE: HA

MIZ: meant the pest of the world

UNIVERSE: VERY HA

here they and ELIAS in fact are

SHANE: hey Ham say the thing

HAM: BEST IN THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD

SHANE: brought Elias cause talk show thus musical guest

ELIAS: imma shred

UNIVERSE: VERY NAH

SHANE: beat Roman at ShowDown

MIZ: hey Shane, Drew gave ya your ShowDown win, how bout that

DREW: dude’s just sad, imma claymore im at Stompyground

MIZ: hey Drew, you’re Shane’s lackey, how bout that

SHANE: beat ya twice, dad’s a potato

MIZ: k time to kill ya

SHANE: sounds great let’s fight

MIZ: cool

SHANE: if ya beat Elias then Drew

MIZ: ah

so MIZ fights ELIAS

ELIAS: so how bout ya just face in peril immediately

MIZ: but

MIZ face in perils til

MIZ: imma rally, punchykickycornerbonks

ELIAS: pin tho

MIZ: nah

ELIAS: then powerbomb pin

MIZ: nah

ELIAS: elbow drop

MIZ: dodge, skull crushin finale pin

ELIAS: k

PICCOLO: hey Gohan someone dodged

GOHAN: do ya hafta keep tellin me

DREW: my turn, have all the beef

MIZ face in perils again til

MIZ: have the floor and the wall, ddt

SHANE: imma distract ya

MIZ: I am in fact distracted

DREW: headbutt, claymore pin

MIZ: k

BEAR: yawn

SHANE: hey let’s fight too

MIZ: oh let’s please

SHANE: ow but also triangle

MIZ: tap

BYRON: same story over and over

BEAR: ya said it not me

meanwhile backstage

FIREDESIRE: hey Ember, stop readin good books and read Mandy’s mag

EMBER: yall kinda suck

FIREDESIRE: as do you, bye

EMBER throws nearby trashcan at wall

here’s PLANETCHAMPS


BRYAN: fightin jobbers with cardboard belts

suddenly HEAVIES

TUCKER: y’all scared

OTIS: elitist cowards

TUCKER: we’d totally beat y’all

BRYAN: y’all haven’t earned it so y’all beat jobbers

OTIS: oh let’s

they do

ROWAN: forsooth I shall obliterate these knaves

BRYAN: later

meanwhile backstage

TRUTH: been doin all the hijinks lately

MELLA: someone’s comin, get in this box

TRUTH: k

MELLA: wait it locked

TRUTH: welp

SOME DUDE: hey Mella go fight Sonya

MELLA: k

TRUTH: UM

JINDER: sup, totally Mella, should I get a crowbar

TRUTH: yes plz

MANDY’s fightin MELLA, standard singles match ensues til

SONYA: faceknee pin

MELLA: k

meanwhile backstage

BLISS: omg Nikki ya alright

NIKKI: yep why

BLISS: Bayley tweeted mean stuff bout you, blocked her awhile ago tho so can’t see em

NIKKI: aww

BLISS: so you’re fightin her later

NIKKI: oh

it’s a NEW DAY, yes it is

XAVIER: big day y’all

KOFI: cause E’s back

E: yep, imma make a booking joke

XAVIER: quick match tonite so I can go to E3, fightin Sam

BEAR: aaaaaaaaaaaand that’s his new name

XAVIER: also KO and Dolph

KOFI: beat em all, imma beat Dolph again in a steel cage at Stompyground

suddenly DOLPH

DOLPH: Xavier facekicked me at ShowDown so Kofi’d win, shoulda been me, imma win at Stompyground

KOFI: ya facekicked Xavier first tho

suddenly KO and a hipster who hates everyone

SAM: Universe’s givin New Day a pass cause faces

E: loved Seth chairthompin ya

SAM: and Universe cheered, point proved

DOLPH: plus Kofi still sucks

E: nah he’s great, let’s fight later

DOLPH, KO, SAM: k

KAYLA: hey Bayley, Nikki’s kinda mad, how bout that

BAYLEY: eh, imma beat Bliss after

BLACK: still waitin, someone fight me

now BAYLEY’s fightin NIKKI

BAYLEY: have all the offense, pin

NIKKI: nah, get in the apron, trappypunches, pin

BAYLEY: nah

standard singles match ensues til

BLISS: imma distract ya

BAYLEY: I am in fact distracted

NIKKI: rollypin

BAYLEY: nah, elbowdrop pin

NIKKI: k

BAYLEY: that was for you Bliss

BLISS: k

meanwhile backstage

JINDER: k where’s that box

DUDES: loaded it up, headed to Raw

JINDER: brb goin there

TRUTH: UM HELP PLZ

no one hears im

here’s BRAY’s creepy kid show again, still scary


KAYLA: hey Apollo, Andrade beat up a dude, how bout that

APOLLO: imma still fight him

ZELINA: better not

GABLE: sup just notetakin

APOLLO: oh

KOZIGAM’s fightin NEW DAY cause SDL playaplayaplaya

DOLPH: graps first

XAVIER: likewise

SAM: tag, moar graps

XAVIER: imma flip thru

NEW DAY: unicorn stampede

KOFI: pin

SAM: nah, have the floor

DOLPH: and a sneakypunch, tag, restholds

KOFI: imma rally tho

DOLPH: dropkick, have the floor again

KO, SAM: and moar sneakypunches

KOFI face in perils til

XAVIER: tag, have all the jumps

DOLPH: hangin ya up tho

XAVIER: ow muh graprefruits

XAVIER face in perils til

E: sup, I’m beef, have some

a large amount of beef then unabridgeable chaos ensues til

KOFI: pin

SAM: k

BEAR: hey folks, if ya ask me questions in the comments imma answer some, how bout that

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