Kayfabe The No Holds Bar

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The Artiste
*The screen is covered in black, a slam is heard before fading in; We see a glass being slammed on the bar counter by a man covered in shadow.*

Bartender: Wow, you're finishing up rather nicely. How's about another?

*The Bartender picks up the glass and begins to re-fill it, after a few seconds he sets it back on the counter*

???: I want something better than this.

Better than the Syn?

???: Yes, I want something stronger than that piss.

Bartender: But it's made with all of the best ingredients.

???: Who are you trying to fool.

Bartender: No one, but look at this it's made with chops of a kiwi.

???: That hairy fruit no one likes.

Bartender: Well, it also has a bit of Godiva chocolate some people call that the gold of chocolate.

???: That'll make me rush to the toilet.

Bartender: Maybe you'll like the fire chili that was added for that shocking after taste.

???: I'd be shocked if I was drinking piss too.

Bartender: Fine, but you have to like this. The bold full flavor of the blueberry storm that will leave your mouth drenched in sweetness.

???: Sounds like something a child thought up. I guess that explains this weak drink. Give me something better than this terrible excuse for a drink.

Bartender: Well, the Syn's delicate drink is the best we have.

???: What about that?

*The shadowed man points to a drink wrapped in gold*

Bartender: Haven't seen that one before must be new.

*He takes the glass from the counter, walks over to the bottle and begins to pour*

Bartender: One new drink coming right up.

*He hands the drink over to the man*

Bartender: Here you go.

*The Silhouetted man takes a few sips before calling for the Bartender again*

???: Can you read to me the ingredients of the drink like you did for that other beverage.

Bartender: Sure.

*He grabs the bottle and begin to read*

Bartender: "Are you ready for a good time, every taste full of flavor. Every sip that you will savor. Made with the finest ingredients from across the border. You won't want this drink to be over. Hope you brought the dinero because you're drinking Luis Alvarado's Panadero" And it has a picture of the guy at the bottom if you want to see.

*He hands the bottle to the shadow man*

???: Heh, that's funny.

Bartender: What is?

???: This man on the bottle looks like someone I know.

Bartender: You know him?

???: Oh, wait now I remember where I recognize him from. That man on the bottle.

*The figure steps into the light*

???: Is me.

* The Bartender gasps*

Bartender: It's you! The ignition World Champion Luis-

???: Alvarado. In the flesh

Bartender: What are you doing at a dive like this?

Luis Alvarado: Prepping myself for my match against Tyson the Drizzle.

Bartender: Don't you mean Storm?

Luis Alvarado: I don't like the X-Men.

Bartender: How are you preparing yourself by getting drunk?

Luis Alvarado: You really think I'd get drunk off that terrible drink Syn's Delicate. More like Syn Defecate, Yuck. Though I do enjoy this Panadero a lot more. I do have a question for you, though. Why were trying to sell me on that Syn drink so bad?

Bartender: No one is buying it.

Luis Alvarado: Why would nobody want the Syn?

Bartender: It tastes gross, it looks terrible, and it stinks both figuratively and literally.

Luis Alvarado: Just an all around bad thing.

Bartender: I wish they would stop. . . . .

*Both Luis and The Bartender look at the camera for a few seconds before looking back at each other*

Bartender: . . . . .Making these awful drinks.

Luis Alvarado: How about I cut you a deal, you throw the Syn down the drain and I'll give you a lifetime supply of Panadero for your bar?

Bartender: That sounds great!

Luis Alvarado: Perfect, I'll have a truck down here in a few days with the shipment.

*Luis gets up from the bar stool, a little groggy after drinking but he tries to hide it*

Luis Alvarado: I'll see you later Barkeep. I got to head to the arena.

Bartender: Are you going to need a cab?

Luis Alvarado: Nah I'm fine, I'll just walk.

Bartender: But the arena is 20 miles that way!

*He points left*

Luis Alvarado: That's cool, I could use the cardio.

Bartender: Well, good luck in your match!

*Luis walks out the door but yells back*

Luis Alvarado: You too!
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