The Ratings Razor


The Artiste
It's a pun.

This idea I've come up with will more than likely bring WWE back to their previous prominence of yesteryear.

Let me take you for a quick ride, real quick. So, we're in a gymnasium, one of the walls is littered with shitty children who have made the school risers their temporary sitting arrangement. The adjacent wall plays host to a very large blue and white banner that reads "B.A. Star Campaign". The 29 year old scruffy looking "DJ" exuberantly presses a button and music begins to play. The children begin to cheer as a troupe of funny looking characters make their way to the fateful "adjacent wall". Among this crew are Stephanie McMahon, The Big Show, Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus and Mark Henry. The children go mild as the appearance of these old gentlemen does nothing to stimulate their positive emotions. Stephanie grabs a the house mic and begins to shout obscenities like "Get louder!" and "Hey kids, we're here to stop you from bullying each other!". The audience of youngsters is having non of this as they begin to position their hands underneath their bottoms. Stephanie hilariously tugs at her collar and lets out a knee slapping "tough crowd" closely followed by an ill-timed chuckle. She puts on her angry face and calls up Big Shoes to the stage. Big Sharpedo jets his way to centre "stage" and before he can open his large mouth, a tiny human stands up and shouts "Let me guess, big kid? NEXT!" which is then greeted by a Thundurus applause and assorted insults from the scanty crowd. Big Show realizes he used up his lifetime supply of tears during the later months of 2013 and goes to sit down. Del Rio reluctantly gets up and sheepishly makes his way to the spot of ridicule. He attempts to open his mouth but is greeted with a "Let me guess, too Mexican? NEXT!" and much like the Big Shofu, Del Rio was escorted off the stage by mean spirited words. Mark Henry stands up, he looks very angry now. "TOO BLACK" says petite Marsha to an explosion of laughter, Mark sits back down. A ray of sunlight protrudes through a window on to Sheamus and he immediately rendered useless. A sudden riot ensues, nothing can stop these little monsters. BUT! ominous music begins to play, stars appear everywhere and the riot is brought to a screeching hault. The doors are blown open and the silhouette of one man stands in the light. IT'S STARDUST. Stardust makes his way to the microphone, the riot seemingly frozen and only eyes follow this magnificent beast. "Who is that?!" asks young Sam, "My name is not important" he replies, chillingly. Blinks and wide eyed stares are directed at Stardust as he stands in front of the crowd of hysteritics (heretics & hysterics). "Today, you children were rude to my colleges. These men have feelings, and you hurt them today." A chorus of weep began as the children created a tidal wave of tears. "Fear not, my young friends. This can be avoided! Just remember one thing... B.A. Star...dust."

The day was saved as Stardust and friends set off in to the sunset.

Next RAW, 8.0.


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