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Trash Boat

*The pale blue lighting in the arena goes out for a few seconds and as Wish It Away hits, it's replaced by flashing white.*

*Tyson Frost stands atop the entrance ramp wearing a black suit, with no tie and the top button of his shirt undone and black sunglasses, with a spotlight beaming down on him, he slowly makes his way to the ring, making sure not to let any of the fans' hand get anywhere near him, he gets in the ring and is given a mic, he stands in the middle of the ring as the crowd are split on whether they want to cheer or boo him, his music cuts and he takes off sunglasses.*

Tyson: Ok, so I am in Exodus. Sorry, I wasn't sure if this was a wrestling company or a nerd convention. It's easy to get confused I mean, look at yourselves, most of you are fat, uneducated, poor and you all smell like you've done nothing but touch yourselves and stuff your faces in with Doritos and Mountain Dew. But it's not just you pathetic parasites that made me think this wasn't a wrestling company, I mean look at the current roster. It's a mix between a terrible porno and a clown show.

Let's see we have, a crazed bible basher, he can read the bible all he wants, God isn't going to save him from the ass beating I'm going to give him if he decides to stick his God fearing nose into my business. Who else? Oh yes, a face painted clown with a foot fetish, he says that breaking off people's legs are his game and that he's going to take all of his opponents' legs that he breaks off back home with him, to be honest, I quite like my legs and I don't want them to be a part of your weird leg fascination so if you so much as think of ripping off my legs, you better shine up your pearly whites so they can get a higher price on eBay after I kick then out your stupid mouth.

I'm done wasting my time insulting my "co-workers" because I could go on for hours and I'd rather spend those hours doing something meaningful so instead, let's move on to the big thing going on this week. The beginning of the World Heavyweight Championship tournament. Which, obviously, I'm a part of. The thing I'm having a hard time getting to make sense is why our dumbass of a GM decided to put a "convicted murderer", yeah sure, against the greatest wrestler to ever grace a wrestling ring.

What's this guy's name? Blackjack? Blackjack, as in the card game? This is what I'm talking about. I'm surrounded by neanderthals that want to make themselves seem worth while, what does my first opponent do? He looks in the mirror and says "Uhhh I dunno what I'm gunna do. Ohhh, I know. I'll put this mask on to cover up my hamburger face! Yeah. I'm a genius. And...and...and I'll act like I'm a crazy killer, yeah! Ha ha ha!" Newsflash, no matter how much you want to believe that makes people care about you, all it really does is prove that you're desperate for attention and with someone who attracts the spotlight wherever he goes, trust me, I understand why you're jealous of me.

Now, because I understand why you're trying so hard to be noticed and why you're trying so hard to get people's attention, I will give my word that I will show up on Saturday. Don't worry, you will get your fifteen minutes of fame. You'll known as the man that Tyson Frost first defeated on his way to his first World Championship. Stay Frosty.

*His music hits again as he drops the mic and puts his sunglasses back on. He exits the ring to a very loud rhythmic chant of "Tyson a ****!"*

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