3/26/01 – MONDAY NIGHT NITRO “Hey Dad, you think you bought WCW, but I actually did!” “NOOOOO!” “And we are going to attack the WWF!” “NOOOOO!” 11/18/01 – SURVIVOR SERIES 2001 “You’re going down cookie puss!” “What?” The Rock hits Stone Cold with a Rock Bottom! The Rock gets the pin! “TEAM WWF WINS THEY TAKE IT ALL! BAH GAWD,” shouts Jim Ross! 6/11/07 – MONDAY NIGHT RAW Vince McMahon gets in a limo. BOOMCRASHBOOM! “OH NO VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON’S LIMO JUST BLEW TO SMITHEREENS, BAH GAWD,” shouts Jim Ross! “Dogs,” says Jerry Lawler. “Hey everyone next week we are having a memorial for my dead dad,” says Stephanie McMahon! 6/18/07 – MONDAY NIGHT RAW – VINCE MCMAHON’S VIDEO WILL “Hey, I’m Vince McMahon and if you are watching this it means I’m dead.” Stephanie, Shane, and Triple H start crying. “STOP CRYING! Now I’m going to tell you who gets my stuff! I am giving my baseball card collection to Shane,” “Yes!” shouts Shane, “In your face Hunter!” “I want John Cena to have my car! I guess Linda can have the other stuff!” “So we get nothing?” asks Stephanie to Trips, but Trips tells her to shut the flip up. “I’m giving the keys to my Time Machine to Edge, if someone kills their family, Edge, I expect you to fix it no matter what,” “Time Machine, eh?” says Edge because he is Canadian “Okay, I’m just going to cut to the chase, wrestling is really boring now, so I want to spice things up. I’m going to be honest here I don’t give a flipping ship what the flip happens to this piece of ship anymore since I’m dead, so, I decided to give the rights to the WCW name and all that ship to the one man who made WCW great, and the only reason I have it in the first place. Will Shane McMahon please step forward? NOW BEND OVER AND KISS THE ROCK’S ACE CAUSE I PICK HIM TO RUN WCW” “NOOOOO!” shouts Shane, “I wanted to be the WCW guy,” “Isn’t that joke funny? It was on a George Lopez Show episode that hasn’t even been produced yet, it’s historically inaccurate but I don’t give three flips. I’m going to give the rights to ECW to, well the one guy who made ECW cool back in the 90s the new owner of ECW will be Ric Flair!” “WOOO!” “That means we get WWE, right Vince?” asks Trips really nicely. “No, flip you, the new CEO of WWE is one of the guys that made WWE what it is today. The best WWE champion to ever wrestle ever. The new owner will be THE UNDERTAKER!” Undertaker walks in, he looks scary and pleased. “I’ve decided that WWE means Raw, so I’ll let Triple H run Smackdown!” says Vince. “Oh, we can run it as a team honey,” says Steph, but Triple H shakes his head and tells her to do crunches because she is getting fat. “And, I will have a fifth brand called EXPLOSION SUPER WRESTLING SIBLING POWER, I want my kids to run that one together as a team.” “Stop touching me SHANE!” yells Steph, “Go play with your baseball cards,” “Okay there is going to be a draft next week and everyone will have awesome rosters, no matter what, even if someone dies, EDGE! Remember to fix it if someone kills their family and offs themselves,” orders McMahon “I’ll do my best, eh.” 6/25/07 – MONDAY NIGHT RAW – THE DRAFT Triple H, Stephanie McMahon and Shane McMahon, The Rock, The Undertaker, and Ric Flair all stand at a table wearing suits. A video of Vincent McMahon appears on the ceiling. “WELCOME TO THE DRAFT, AS OF NOW, all the title belts have been vacated. Each brand will have seven titles, and each brand will have a special rule for the draft or how the brand must be run. ESWSP’s rule is they get two draft picks each time they pick, but the wrestlers must be siblings. WCW’s rule is that every match must have a title on the line. ECW’s rule is that every match must be an EXTREME RULES OR LADDER MATCH. Raw’s rule is that you can only draft wrestlers under the age of 30. And Smackdown’s rule will be that it has 2 more titles than everyone else, and it must have 3 title matches on every show.” Triple H slams his fist on the table, he is mad that he has more titles! “Now I will give you 3 hours to meet with smart people and people you know to make up title names, at the end of those three hours I want you to meet here and announce your title names, then I’ll make more announcements and the draft can begin.” 3 hours pass and everyone comes back to the room, with sheets of paper that have the names of the titles. “OKAY NOW THAT YOU ARE ALL BACK I WANT THE ROCK TO NAME HIS BELTS FIRST! Just a rule of thumb the most important title goes in all caps,” “The Rock, made a list of cool titles that will be in WCW,” says The Rock, and then he lists off the seven championships. His list follows. WCW Brahma Bull Championship WCW Jabroni Championship WCW Supernova Championship WCW Lightningweight Championship WCW Finally Championship WCW Rock and Sock Championship WCW SUPER COOKIE PUSS ROCK BOTTOM JABRONI MEGA CHAMPIONSHIP “Those are good championships, I want ESWSP to go next, I expect good title names from my children.” Shane starts to list the names but Stephanie shoves him and starts listing the names herself. They follow. ESWSP Undisputed Tag Team Championship ESWSP Fire Championship ESWSP Mixed Tag Team Championship ESWSP White Horse Championship ESWSP SIBLING RIVALRY CHAMPIONSHIP ESWSP Ladies Championship ESWSP Men’s Championship “Now I want to hear Taker’s titles,” Taker said the names of Raw’s Titles. RAW World Championship RAW Tag Team Championship RAW Intercontinental Championship RAW European Championship RAW United States Championship RAW Tombstone Championship RAW REST IN PIECE CHAMPIONSHIP “Cool, now Flair I want to hear your belts,” “WOOO!” Ric Flair then listed the ECW Titles. ECW Tag Team Championships ECW Television Championship ECW United States Championship ECW Four Horseman Championship ECW Ladder Match Championship ECW Extreme Rules Match Championship ECW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP “Last and least, Hunter’s championships,” says VKM! Triple H slams his hand on the table, he is mad that it is his turn! Then he lists his titles. SD! WRESTLEMANIA XIX CHAMPIONSHIP SD! WrestleMania 18 Championship SD! WrestleMania 2000 Championship SD! WrestleMania XIV Championship SD! WrestleMania 13 Championship SD! Pedigree Championship SD! This Business Championship SD! Degeneration-X Championship SD! Buried Championship “Now that all the titles have been named will Edge please step forward!” Edge steps forward! “Edge, use the time machine and take these people to June 1st 2013 and we will continue the draft then,” Triple H slams his fist on the table! “I like this time! What will happen in seven years without me, Vince? Did you think of that Vince?” shouts Triple H. Vince doesn’t answer because he is a tape and he can’t answer questions. He is dead because his limo blew up. “I am the best wrestler in all of wrestling!” says Triple H as he slams his fist on the desk. The Rock tells Triple H to shut up so Triple H challenges him to a fight! “Let’s go hamster style right now home dog! Smackdown is going to rip WCW a new one in the acehole!” “You are a jabroni piece of poopy! I AM THE ROCK RAWR ROCK!” “I have a lot of money take that!” “Well I am in movies! Ever seen The Toothfairy?” “That’s not even in the theaters yet, so no punk ship mouth I haven’t!” “Well you should, I act in it, flip head!” “I’m going to hit you with a sledgehammer or my finisher!” “You have a cookie Plessy, I bet your name stands for Humper Humpy Humpface because you remind me of a dog ropist!” “Well I think you are gee!” “I know you are gee because you sucked my big black cook,” “Yeah but you liked it gee lord,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “No I didn’t,” “Yeah you did,” “So what, there ain’t nothing wrong with being gee,” “Yeah there is, you people can never beat me because people like you aren’t winners!” “I’ve won title belts, beach face,” “No you haven’t those were imaginary brass rings,” “No they weren’t,” “They are because I say they are punk! This is a blood feud, I’m going to legit kill you in a wrestling match,” “Go rub oil on your chest and have your husband rub your pig back then,” “Come on Steph do what Rock says,” Steph starts rubbing Triple H’s pig’s back. “We’re going to be late to the future if you guys don’t hurry the flip up, eh,” says Edge because he is Canadian. All the GMs and Edge go into the time machine and go to June 1st 2013. 6/1/13 – Saturday before CLASH OF THE BRANDS “Okay now that we are in the future we can start THE DRAFT!” shouts VKM from the ceiling! Triple H slams his fist on the table. “I don’t like the future!” “Okay Steph and Shane get their two picks first,” says Mr. McMahon. “We pick Cody Rhodes and Goldust!” says Shane. “Triple H gets pick #2,” “I pick my best friend Shawn Michaels!” says Triple H as he slams his fist on the table! “’Taker’s turn, remember, younger than 30!” “I don’t know anyone under 30,” says Undertaker, but Triple H tells him to shut the flip up and pick someone! So he picks Seth Rollins! “Okay Rock’s Turn!” “I pick John Cena!” “Flair!” “Terry Funk, wooo!” The GMs kept drafting here are their rosters! ESWSP: Shane McMahon (General Manager) Stephanie McMahon (General Manager) Cody Rhodes Goldust Brie Bella Nikki Bella Dolph Ziggler Briley Pierce Edge Christian Jey Uso Jimmy Uso Primo Carlito Brett DiBiase Ted DiBiase Alicia Fox Cameron Lynn Paul Burchill Katie Lea Burchill Hannah Blossom Holly Blossom Mark Briscoe Jay Briscoe Robbie McAllister Rory McAllister Nick Jackson Matt Jackson David Flair Charlotte Flair Zak Zodiac Zebra Kid Sim Snuka Tamina Snuka Doug Basham Danny Basham Chuck Taylor Brian Cage-Taylor Rick Steiner Scott Steiner Roderick Strong Sedrick Strong El Hijo Del Ice Cream Ice Cream Jr. SD!: Triple H (General Manager) Shawn Michaels Daniel Bryan Kane Brock Lesnar Chris Benoit Sheamus Antonio Cesaro Big Show The Great Khali Mark Henry Kassius Ohno Darren Young Titus O’Neil Kofi Kingston Paul Heyman Justin Gabriel Ezekiel Jackson Epico Steve Austin Layla El Linda McMahon Natalya Neidhart Trish Stratus Rosa Mendes RAW: Undertaker (General Manager) Seth Rollins Roman Reigns Dean Ambrose Zack Ryder Drew McIntyre Heath Slater Big E Langston Bo Dallas AJ Lee Jinder Mahal JTG Brad Maddox Hornswoggle Curt Hawkins Paige Naomi Night Camacho Kaitlyn Richie Steamboat Xavier Woods Adrian Neville Rebecca Knox WCW: The Rock (General Manager) John Cena CM Punk Dusty Rhodes Evan Bourne Michael McGillicutty Chris Jericho Wade Barrett Mick Foley David Otunga Kevin Nash Alberto Del Rio Ricardo Rodriguez Fandango Mason Ryan Summer Rae El Luchador (El Generico) Tyson Kidd Ryback Damien Sandow John Laurinaitis R-Truth Matt Striker Theodore Long ECW: Ric Flair (General Manager) Terry Funk The Miz Rey Mysterio Zeb Colter Jack Swagger Finlay William Regal The Sandman Booker T Jerry Lawler Billy Gunn Road Dogg Tensai Brodus Clay Alex Riley John Morrison Joey Mercury Sin Cara Hunico John Bradshaw Layfield Santino Marella Sean Waltman Vickie Guerrero “Now that all the rosters are set, I will now announce that tomorrow will be a super PPV with all five brands. The show will be called Clash of The Brands. You guys have 30 minutes to decide the card. GO!” says VKM. Triple H slams his fist on the table. “Rock, me and you are fighting in the main event beach and I’m going to kick your flipping dumb axe!” “You are a jabroni!” “It will be a Last Man Standing Heck in a Cell Match, for the biggest title on Smackdown!” “You are on! I’ll kick your stupid face with my foot.” Triple H slammed his fist on the table several more times throughout the meeting and the final card was set. Clash of The Brands! ECW Four Horsemen Championship – Ladder Match Super Dance Squad (Brodus Clay, Tensai, Santino Marella, and Sean Waltman) vs. MRMM (The Miz, Alex Riley, John Morrison, and Joey Mercury) RAW World Championship Dean Ambrose /w AJ Lee, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns vs. Zack Ryder /w Curt Hawkins WCW SCPRBJM Championship Chris Jericho vs. John Cena vs. Ryback vs. CM Punk ESWSP Sibling Rivalry Championship – Whoever Gets The Pin Becomes Champion Edge and Christian vs. Scott Steiner and Rick Steiner ECW World Championship – Extreme Rules Match Terry Funk vs. William Regal Main Event! SD! WrestleMania XIX Championship – Last Man Standing Heck in a Cell Match SD! General Manager Triple H vs. WCW General Manager The Rock Predictions welcome!