Where I've been

Discussion in 'Locker Room' started by Jeremiah, Jul 25, 2017.

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  1. Hey guys,

    I'm sorry for such an absence, but, here's what's going on.

    I suffer from manic depression, and sometimes, I disappear for a while. When things get bad. I got really down, and instead of taking the time to talk about it, I just went into seclusion, and, essentially said, "screw it all." I didn't self harm, or anything, but the thought of being social was just too much. I apologize for worrying anyone, but, want everyone to know that I appreciate the concern.

    Here is the very personal part:

    I am transsexual, and have had to come off my hormones, due to the reactions I was having. It was like I was taking everyone on a roller coaster ride they wanted to get off of, but, I'm the one telling the ride operator, "Just one more go!" each time we would slow down. I've had to take time to make peace with the things I've felt, and pick myself back up and start again.

    Today is not exactly the best day, either, because, today, my son turns 10. When I sent a message asking if I could call to tell him happy birthday, I was told, "You can take your happy birthday, and shove it up your gay ass." So I am dealing with that, too. But, I am telling myself, "I am more than my circumstance, I am better than this, and I will not be defined by bullshit".

    I have missed you guys, a lot. and though I won't promise that I will never disappear again, I will, honestly say, that I will do my best to at least let it be known, when this feeling comes again.

    There is the short version, and I have no ending for this, so I will just say:

    You take the good, you take the bad, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have; The facts of life.
    • Like Like x 1
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  2. Welcome back. :emoji_slight_smile:
    Look, We're here for you if u ever need anyone, even if its just ONE person to talk. We've missed ya. Hope to talk u later.
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  3. Thank you, so much. It really does mean a lot to me.
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  4. I can't begin to understand hormonal treatment but I have read it is very taxing on the body and the mind, often making depression cycles even worse. The worst thing you can do tho is close yourself off. Depression wins when you seclude yourself. Get some fresh air and talk to people who love you, even if it is just mindless conversation. Take it from someone who is not very social at all and has had anxiety issues for 15 years... Not being social is the worst thing you can do. If you have someone you can hug, do it. A simple hug releases oxytocin and it is a great hormone to relieve stress.

    If you don't know what oxytocin is: Oxytocin: Facts About the 'Cuddle Hormone'

    I hope you feel better soon.
  5. This is one example of why I'm disappointed in myself, because, I knew that I could totally post it all out here, and there would be no judgement. (If there was, it would be totally okay for me to defend myself. this is one of the most inclusive forums, ever.) I have to give mad props to @Jacob Fox for talking me through a manic episode, even when it was just on chat, and he didn't see it. I can admit that the fault of seclusion lies, only, within myself.

    As far as HRT goes, yes, it's horrible when depression strikes. The conversation was basically:

    Dr: Are you sure you're able to handle this? It can get intense.
    me: I survived a straight marriage, and my family, pretty sure I got this
    Dr: Here's the number of a therapist, anyway, you're gonna need it.
    me: Thanks, but, I'm sure I'm good.
    Me a month ago, *Where the F*** is that number, I don't got this.*
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  6. I think most people on this forum are basically open minded enough to see people as individuals instead of groups so it is very unlikely you will be judged. It helps to open up when you feel safe though so I am glad you feel safe enough here to do so.

    I have heard of people going through therapy when doing hormonal dosing. Heck, even straight women doing hormonal dosing to conceive see therapists. I think by law they have to recommend someone because it is that hard. Are you going to see someone now for help through it?
  7. I see things that you might not think I see. But I'm a trained psychologist and I know when I should and should not point things out.

    My fiancé Jerry has issues with his mother and his son's mother doing everything they can to keep Jerry from seeing his son. I've told Jerry over and over, regardless of the fact that he is gay, I could find him a father's rights attorney that would FILET his baby mama and his own mama. Although a father does not carry the child the child is still half his genetic material and would not exist without him. You have every right to see him and every right to be be with him. And if you ever need a relentless son of a bitch to help you make sure it happens, you have me.
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  8. That's true. She is SOOOOOOOO into spanking....
    • Funny Funny x 2
  9. Exactly why men deserve more rights when it comes to children and babies. It should be equal down the board. It takes two to tango.
    • Agree Agree x 3
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  10. Wait... :what:

    You lost me lol
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  11. @Solid Snake I do have someone to help me through it, and it's funny, because she and I actually talk about things going on with both of us, I love her, because she makes herself very human.

    @Jacob Fox I know you see things that people try to hide, and I'll say, I don't exactly try, hell, you've heard me talk about things that most people would keep to themselves, but, I appreciate the offer. Also, Spankings aren't bad.
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Good, I am glad you have someone to talk with. Your last bit makes me think she is an alien though... or a cat. Kitties are good for therapy :kitler:
  13. Well, she did get her on a greencard...so, you're not technically wrong.
    • Funny Funny x 1
  14. Solidus will be an alien soon :kitler:
  15. ...Another Power Ranger? I thought they all died out when Haze & Maniax changed their names! WOOOOOO!

    In all seriousness, If you ever want someone to talk to who's not cat obsessed, a fox or obsessed with Ambrose. I am also available to talk to.
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  16. Fite me :tough:
  17. Great. I'm a skeptic and @xina is a conspiracy theorist... you're giving her too much alien evidence.
    • Funny Funny x 1
  18. Are you denying the fact that you're obsessed with cats? Really?
  19. I am not obsessed, I am enslaved. Huge difference. :kitler:
  20. Look, bitch, don't make us take you out behind the woodshed because we'd enjoy it more than you :emoji_stuck_out_tongue:

    In all seriousness, Blue, I'm always here for you
    • Funny Funny x 1