Who wants a review? Reviews.. guiz? REVIEWS!?

Discussion in 'TNA iMPACT! (2011-2015)' started by Dolph'sZiggler, Jun 21, 2013.

  1. bonus points for anyone who can provide me with the sig that inspired this title.

    oh and just in case you don't like my review, at least enjoy this gif:

    Show Spoiler

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    also, go fuck yourself if you don't enjoy this review


    Sting in a suit. BFG series hype video. :obama:
    Open Fight Night :notsure1: I'm not a big fan of the concept


    Opening Segment

    And you know what that means, dude! Also, why don't we have a font named 'Hulkamania', jack? I went with the 'book antiqua' because it sounded old, like H Double brother.

    Roooooooooooooooooooooooooooode.

    Charismatic-less Enigma [​IMG]


    Aries is such a good tweener.

    Daniels on the stick. This opener is a clusterfuck by design, but you can't complain with all of these amazing guys on the st--- oh fuck, Hardy's on the mi---CREATURES! annnnnnnd of course a brawl. Meh to this segment




    Anderson vs Joseph Park


    I got a kick out of Anderson's promo. He is best in short doses like that. Definitely pulling for Park to begin his unlikely run to the top of the leaderboard with a win here.

    Dixie twitter mention #1. hey @TNADixie, go fuck yourself.

    lol I mark for Joseph Park chain wrestling.


    LMAO Boston Crap@ Get it JP! oh GODDAMMIT DOC! GTFO CHEATER! NO! GODDAMMIT! thank god he kicked out of the roll up. BIG SLAM! TOP THE TOP! middle! good enough! DOC YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. you stupid ref. wow yet ok!? HE CHEATERED REF. This is why I always say wrestling needs instant replay for bold shit like this. JP being a lawyer can probably get it overturned in court:phew:.


    Doc talking more shit? Bully ain't playing that game. Why isn't Devon the VP? Seems like a no brainer.

    King Vanilla Midget vs Gutcheck Jobber

    TGMTEL vs Testify's new favorite wrestler. Jay Bradley's haircut looks like the offspring of a mohawk and mullet. Sort of pro ashley

    lol Aries leg kicking the shit out of him. working this n00b over. oh shit, what a monster backbreaker. oh shit.. going for the brainbuster. GOT HIS ASS. A Double you fucking god you. Fun match. short, but fun. I can't imagine a scenario where Aries doesn't finish in the top 4 of the standings

    SteroidMex vs Christopher Daniels

    Hernandez would hate on CD. What a retard. "Hey bro, I hate your hilarious promos! So get out here and I'll job to you!"

    oh look. It's Hernandez and his 4 moves. 2 of them are clotheslines.

    fuck yea! BME and a relatively clean win for Daniels. beast mode.

    did these motherfuckers really just advertise a 'brook hogan state of the KO division' segment for later? hopefully Mickie comes out and dropkicks her or something.


    Franswa Kazarian vs Magnus

    lmao dis dude said turd burglars. lmao, she thinks he's gorgeous, teehee giggle.

    I'd love for Bad influence to start 2-0, but I can't really see Kaz getting a win here.

    underwhelming match and since when did Magnus use the cloverleaf? aw well, this rapid fire short BFG
    series match after BFG Series match format was going to make it tough to put on good matches with such little time to work with.

    Hogan backstage dude

    Hogan is hilarious.


    "dawwwwwwwwwwwwww. YOU'RE A DEAD MAN BULLY RAY. GROWL" . I'm really tired of hearing about Brooke/Bully bullshit though. ugh

    Brooke Hogan jack


    ::Brooke signals to cut the music:: finally she makes a good decision.

    Brooke is way too tall for this podium.

    Brooke patronizing Mickie? Oh hell :no:

    Mickie deserves her own entrance! Brooke is sort of burying the KOs title trying to humble Mickie. "They are your equal" well no, dumbass, she is the champ. she's the best

    EY go away. THe KOs division is actually bearable for once. fuck off bro. I hope this doesn't mean they start using the KOs tag titles again. They'll never use them properly and it will just be sloppy filler. meh

    can we wrap this segment up? Praising Velvet's talentless ass? fucking gag. Brooke has to write her own shit. god she is retarded.

    holy fucking shit tits. Gail vs Taryn in a ladder match?! damn, those two trying to top the slammiversary match sounds nuts

    AJ Styles vs Samoa Joe

    AJ on the mic?! sort of a meh promo and he gets weird reactions. I feel like they could have done a better job with AJ's character to this point.

    Sorry to say to AJ, but I'd rather see Joe pick up the points here. I think he might tap to the calf killer though. Just hoping this one gets more than 4 minutes

    Fun match and Hemme says there is a minute left. The possibility of a draw adds to the finish of a match. annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd its a draw. Not often you see those on tv these days.

    oh shit AJ going hard in the paint after the bell. that nose is gushing, gross. either I'm dreaming, or the crowd is chanting 'Austin Aries" lmao. what a champ

    Good vs Evil

    All things considered you can't really ask for a better Main Event for any Impact. Hate to see it, but I get the feeling Hardy will win. Still 15 minutes left on my stream, going to go ahead and assume this match won't go that long, meaning the show will end with Bully/Brooke :facepalm:

    I'm no fan of Hardy, but Roode seems to get the best out of him. Roode brings the best out of most guys, though. Why does Hardy's twist of fate look more like a Stone Cold Stunner these days?

    annnnnnd of course he misses that swanton. That's what you get for showboating, asshole.

    WHAT IN THE ASHLEY FUCK?! I've seen Bobby Roode get fucked in the ass with a cheese grater at BFG vs James Storm but now he lays down after a weak ass twist of ate (either hate or fate, I'm really not sure which it is). BOOOOOOOOOOO

    Bully Ray Main Event Nonsense

    Hoping this segment won't be terrible. If it involves anything Brooke Hogan related, I fear that it will be. Please have Sting interrupt and introduce his new stable.


    solid promo by Bully, but I feel like I've heard him say this 100 times now. :harvey:

    god fucking dammit. Calling out Brooke. Hopefully Sting comes out in a blonde wig and tricks Bully. I imagine it would be hard to tell them apart of Sting was wearing the right wig and dress.

    Here comes Stinger. :woo1:

    IT'S SCOTT HALL

    IT'S BIG POPPA POMP!

    IT'S LEX LUGER!

    IT'S ULTIMATE WARRIOR!

    IT'S DISCO INFERNO!

    IT'S ARN ANDERSON!

    IT'S GANGREL!

    IT'S SABU!

    IT'S GOLDUST!

    I'm out of ideas. who the fuck is it. Sting, less stripping more introducing.

    OH SHIT, IT'S VINCE RUSSO

    still undressing... Sting won't even take off his shirt for a PPV but he's going to get down to his skimpies on Impact?

    Bully's boys are no showing.

    Angle, huh? well that's...


    Overall: The show was what I expected for OFN. Not much in the way of storyline unless you count Bully Ray and Brooke (Puke--- that's right, capital P) and a little bit with Sting's stuff. . Plenty of solid wrestling and a good start for the Series this year. Perfectly acceptable show, but nothing really memorable. 6/10

     
    • Like Like x 4
  2. Again a great review. Yeah, why does Hardy's Twist of Fate looks like Stunner a lot more in like 1 year. Also I was confused why Tara & Brooke Tess weren't at KO Segment.
     
  3. Yeah, I knew you'll like Jay Bradley.:adr:


    It also got 6/10 from me.


    Tara's been taken out by Gail last month. Tessmacher is giving blowjobs somewhere for a magazine shoot.
     
  4. :adr:
     
  5. What's more predictable than "omg Angle in the Main Event Mafia"? Top-quality reviews from D'Z. GOAT poster on the whole damned interwebs.

     

  6. Yea it's like when WWE started those 2-21-11 promos and the IWC went wild with speculation only for it to be another Undertaker return.
     
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